Bingo!!!
Bingo!!! Bingo!!!
What more can I ask for? There’s everything, from the materialistic aspects to the yearning needs of a human psyche.
However,
What is in abundance of invisibility is my aspect of living a fulfilled life.
Not materialistic, not camouflage of emotions … simple pleasures that are derived off anything but normalcy.
I hit the bed hoping for a peaceful night, and I wake up to the daylight with a tiresome look. Is that all? We close our eyes to a tiring day and are expected to wake up to a new beginning with a fresh and energetic vision. Alas, how many are those who envision this very aspect. And how many are those who follow me on the same tread path.
All I need is an embrace of living,
A need of belongingness,
A desire of being felt,
A capturer of my feelings,
A rupture of my emotions,
A lap to succumb my night to,
A hug to make me feel alive,
A kiss to make me feel wanted,
A life where I am known for what I am off,
I see a couple by the alley, with torn clothes, and stomach craved in for another day’s survival. But still, I see them exhibiting their affection with least botheration. As if they were unaffected of their surroundings and all they cared was for a life living with those moments of belongingness.
I’d trade my every part of materialistic aspects for that moment.
I’d swap my position to wear their torn clothes and feel their moment of being with each other.
It’s not the clothes that dictate our living, nor our lifestyle; I perceive the living to be, as a matter of fact, the feeling of happiness with another soul, who is supposedly a traveler from the planet of Venus.
Life is a game. And it’s a painting where one finds the grass is always greener on the other side. It’s a gamble where one is put at the stake of losing his ways of living for another way of feeling the pleasure. It’s up to him how he embraces the dictated.
For now, I don’t have any qualms of embracing that part of life where I see the grass is greener. What I need is a soul to whom I can weep my sorrows to, with whom I can hug my feelings with, with whom where I can sleep my worries on….
I need a soul who makes me feel wanted…. For, from then on, I can truly show that part of me where I can be totally felt the way I perceive of her.
I waited enough; show me your face, for I cannot live my life with your silhouette.
I waited enough,
Show me of your presence,
I longed for you more than my breath,
Show me your presence.
Saturday, December 15, 2007
Monday, December 03, 2007
Best Friend
…………………………………..
………………….
Perfectionism isn’t found in reality………….
………………………………………………..
………………………………….
…………………. You loose to someone…..
…………………. You loose to someone….
……………………..
…………………………….
“How do you ask a person if he love’s you?”
“Simple – shoot the question” – guy’s perspective
“Now how do you ask a person if he happen to be your best friend? A friend who was there through thick and thin, was the one who knew for all the happiness felt, was the one who read mind before lips acted, was the one who, though distant apart, was still felt close?”
“Simple – shoot the question” – perspective never changes
“How is love expressed?”
(Best of all - question was shot at me)
“Hmmm… varied ways. Amongst friends, amongst kins, amongst couples…different ways”
“Do you love me?”
“Whhat? In what sense?”
“Every sense”
“You are a very good friend of mine. It’s just natural that our thinking falls on the same frequency – so it’s not difficult to understand each other’s mind. But that doesn’t fall into the conventional aspect of love. Love – the way you feel it now, is not reciprocated from my end. There can be no US apart from what we have now, ‘cos I like you for the way things are between us and would not loose it for anything that comes between us. But there is no US”
“But why not give it a try…there’s no hang ups in doing so, is there? If we don’t enjoy the relationship, we can pretend to be couple for the world and remain best friends and walk away when we need to and still have no hang ups as we understand each other so well. Let’s give it a shot”
“Whhat? Are you nuts? I would never put our long years of knowing each other into jeopardy. We are good the way we are and will remain the way we are.”
“I just thought that things can work out great between us - owing to the past knowing each other. Now that I know what your idea on it is, I’ll never feel bad that I didn’t ask my best friend of my opinion”
.............................................
...........................
..................
..................................
........................
Now My perspective………….
Many a time, the best friend is sought after to clean the mind with its adversities. It was her way of expressing her walk in the lonesome alley. It was her way of feeling wanted and felt for. It was her way of feeling loved. Because, at that juncture she stood naked to the world of insensitive minds, she laid down paralyzed with her unattended gesture of loving a person from the heart. She gave it all for that special relationship, for that perfect one and now she has all in the mind but nothing in reality. And the mind played its dramatic role of being a slow killer.
But if that sought out friend didn’t whack her mind and talk her off the momentary deviation, the years spent would not have been respected to in any levels of the horizon. He was sought out for the very reasoning of his behavior and he could not let it go unattended to.
Apart from being a best friend, he / she has to play the role of an entertainer, agony aunt, brother, sister, teacher, grand parents, etc. And sometimes best friends have to play the role of an enemy to evacuate other’s mind of any possible deviant, a role of a boyfriend / girlfriend to make that person understand that it’s not the end of all, a role in the vacuum to circumfuse the minds weird ways of working.
Like the wise old man says - “It’s better to loose the momentary feeling of loving one, when it is at the cost of loosing your best friend”
…………………………………..
…………………………..
Perfectionism is not found in reality
………………………………………..
………………………..
………but……………………why is it that we have to loose to someone
……compromise with someone …..
…………………………..
……………………..
‘Cos that someone whom we loose to maybe close to perfection…..
…………………………..
………………………………..
Perfectionism …exists …
………….it exists very much, in our mind
Unless we stop defining the very word perfectionism….
We will miss out on those who are the closest to the very word…...
It’s a choice left open!
………………….
Perfectionism isn’t found in reality………….
………………………………………………..
………………………………….
…………………. You loose to someone…..
…………………. You loose to someone….
……………………..
…………………………….
“How do you ask a person if he love’s you?”
“Simple – shoot the question” – guy’s perspective
“Now how do you ask a person if he happen to be your best friend? A friend who was there through thick and thin, was the one who knew for all the happiness felt, was the one who read mind before lips acted, was the one who, though distant apart, was still felt close?”
“Simple – shoot the question” – perspective never changes
“How is love expressed?”
(Best of all - question was shot at me)
“Hmmm… varied ways. Amongst friends, amongst kins, amongst couples…different ways”
“Do you love me?”
“Whhat? In what sense?”
“Every sense”
“You are a very good friend of mine. It’s just natural that our thinking falls on the same frequency – so it’s not difficult to understand each other’s mind. But that doesn’t fall into the conventional aspect of love. Love – the way you feel it now, is not reciprocated from my end. There can be no US apart from what we have now, ‘cos I like you for the way things are between us and would not loose it for anything that comes between us. But there is no US”
“But why not give it a try…there’s no hang ups in doing so, is there? If we don’t enjoy the relationship, we can pretend to be couple for the world and remain best friends and walk away when we need to and still have no hang ups as we understand each other so well. Let’s give it a shot”
“Whhat? Are you nuts? I would never put our long years of knowing each other into jeopardy. We are good the way we are and will remain the way we are.”
“I just thought that things can work out great between us - owing to the past knowing each other. Now that I know what your idea on it is, I’ll never feel bad that I didn’t ask my best friend of my opinion”
.............................................
...........................
..................
..................................
........................
Now My perspective………….
Many a time, the best friend is sought after to clean the mind with its adversities. It was her way of expressing her walk in the lonesome alley. It was her way of feeling wanted and felt for. It was her way of feeling loved. Because, at that juncture she stood naked to the world of insensitive minds, she laid down paralyzed with her unattended gesture of loving a person from the heart. She gave it all for that special relationship, for that perfect one and now she has all in the mind but nothing in reality. And the mind played its dramatic role of being a slow killer.
But if that sought out friend didn’t whack her mind and talk her off the momentary deviation, the years spent would not have been respected to in any levels of the horizon. He was sought out for the very reasoning of his behavior and he could not let it go unattended to.
Apart from being a best friend, he / she has to play the role of an entertainer, agony aunt, brother, sister, teacher, grand parents, etc. And sometimes best friends have to play the role of an enemy to evacuate other’s mind of any possible deviant, a role of a boyfriend / girlfriend to make that person understand that it’s not the end of all, a role in the vacuum to circumfuse the minds weird ways of working.
Like the wise old man says - “It’s better to loose the momentary feeling of loving one, when it is at the cost of loosing your best friend”
…………………………………..
…………………………..
Perfectionism is not found in reality
………………………………………..
………………………..
………but……………………why is it that we have to loose to someone
……compromise with someone …..
…………………………..
……………………..
‘Cos that someone whom we loose to maybe close to perfection…..
…………………………..
………………………………..
Perfectionism …exists …
………….it exists very much, in our mind
Unless we stop defining the very word perfectionism….
We will miss out on those who are the closest to the very word…...
It’s a choice left open!
Thursday, November 15, 2007
Tuesday, November 13, 2007
Candid Moments
“ Happy Birthday to you! Happy Birthday to you, Happy Birthday to you dear Khushi, Happy Birthday to you!”
That was it! It was there!!! It was so natural that even the cameras couldn’t keep their focus away to capture the perfect moment.
She smiled! With equal expression of delight and surprise, she smiled heartily. The place had an aura of celebration. And she knew it somehow that all of it was for her. Like a princess, she posed to halt the candid moments.
Smile - Click! Click!
No body could stop her and guess what no body wanted to! The smile was infectious and everybody plunged into the moment.
She was getting old! Yet another year old!
Sometimes we just don’t realize how the time flies. I can imagine the eager wait by the hospital lounge. Her father, keeping his fingers crossed, waiting in anticipation to hear the first cry of life. His first step ahead and so be called a father for rest of his life. Words of assurance mumbled within, prayers prayed in silence, a sense of joy equally perturbed by a sense of the unknown fear.
Suddenly! It all happened!
Waaah…. Waaaaah…wa…waaaaaahhhhhh
The lounge was filled with the cry of a new birth. A moment to cherish! He became a father. Apparently the 9 month wait yielded the best gift he could ever ask for.
The doors of the operation theatre opened dramatically, reflections of the light hit brightly from the specula placed in the room, slow instrumental track played in the background to soothe the environment and then the doctor came in a complete white gown holding the baby caringly in his arms. The entire scene was impeccable, as if the baby directly descended from the doors of heaven, assisted by the guardian angels.
“Congrats! You been blessed with a baby girl”
“Khushi beta, papa ko cake khilao”
Drawn back into the present celebration, I heard Khushi’s mother’s voice. It was now Khushi’s turn to feed her parents.
Her small fingers reached the table and managed to cut a tiny chunk of the cake.
“Papa – cake lio”
The traces of the cream stayed on her tiny fingers as she treated her father with the cake.
Click! Click! A mere perfect moment!
Many more clicking followed by and many more moments cherished well. One would not find it hard to see the cheerful smile on father’s face. Its then when I felt the deep secret wanting to burst out into the light – I want to hold my own angel, guide her through the struggling walk, make her taste the 1st spoon of cerelac, carry her on the back and for a change pretend to be a elephant without any shame, make her sleep on my lap and the best of all listen to her when she complains of her mother.
The camera zoomed in on the candle – melting from the top, number 2 in orange and yellow just going down. She was yet another year old!
Click! Click!
That was it! It was there!!! It was so natural that even the cameras couldn’t keep their focus away to capture the perfect moment.
She smiled! With equal expression of delight and surprise, she smiled heartily. The place had an aura of celebration. And she knew it somehow that all of it was for her. Like a princess, she posed to halt the candid moments.
Smile - Click! Click!
No body could stop her and guess what no body wanted to! The smile was infectious and everybody plunged into the moment.
She was getting old! Yet another year old!
Sometimes we just don’t realize how the time flies. I can imagine the eager wait by the hospital lounge. Her father, keeping his fingers crossed, waiting in anticipation to hear the first cry of life. His first step ahead and so be called a father for rest of his life. Words of assurance mumbled within, prayers prayed in silence, a sense of joy equally perturbed by a sense of the unknown fear.
Suddenly! It all happened!
Waaah…. Waaaaah…wa…waaaaaahhhhhh
The lounge was filled with the cry of a new birth. A moment to cherish! He became a father. Apparently the 9 month wait yielded the best gift he could ever ask for.
The doors of the operation theatre opened dramatically, reflections of the light hit brightly from the specula placed in the room, slow instrumental track played in the background to soothe the environment and then the doctor came in a complete white gown holding the baby caringly in his arms. The entire scene was impeccable, as if the baby directly descended from the doors of heaven, assisted by the guardian angels.
“Congrats! You been blessed with a baby girl”
“Khushi beta, papa ko cake khilao”
Drawn back into the present celebration, I heard Khushi’s mother’s voice. It was now Khushi’s turn to feed her parents.
Her small fingers reached the table and managed to cut a tiny chunk of the cake.
“Papa – cake lio”
The traces of the cream stayed on her tiny fingers as she treated her father with the cake.
Click! Click! A mere perfect moment!
Many more clicking followed by and many more moments cherished well. One would not find it hard to see the cheerful smile on father’s face. Its then when I felt the deep secret wanting to burst out into the light – I want to hold my own angel, guide her through the struggling walk, make her taste the 1st spoon of cerelac, carry her on the back and for a change pretend to be a elephant without any shame, make her sleep on my lap and the best of all listen to her when she complains of her mother.
The camera zoomed in on the candle – melting from the top, number 2 in orange and yellow just going down. She was yet another year old!
Click! Click!
Wednesday, November 07, 2007
"No Smoking"
“NO SMOKING “- aesthetically placed reminders every nook and corner of the airport.
Damn!
Why is it that Airport authority in India, restrict people who want to smoke before boarding the flight or in the flight? Or be it even the Railways. Strict Rules you see!
I didn’t have an option but to throw the pack of cigarettes into the thrash bin.
Yeah, yeah ... I know, you would be thinking of 101 reasons as to why a person should smoke at all. But you gotta be a smoker. A smoker to understand the urge to smoke when one wants to take a break from anything, when the temperature drops down to a pleasant climate, when the day calls in for pooling in extra hours on the work front, killing time while waiting for someone who was late in arrival, the pleasure in the last puff and a lot of reasons to which the non smokers would never relate to.
“OK…that's enough! Enough of giving lame reason as to why one should smoke” - Ahaan! Don't assume that I didn't read your mind. It's a never ending debate between the smokers and non smokers, but still people do what they want to … detest smoking or enjoy smoking. Choice is left open!
Initially I hated smoking, couldn't even be in the vicinity of a smoker. Hated the smokes and the smell….argued about it….cursed people who smoked in the public…felt how unethical of them to do so when the place is equally entertained by the non smokers as well. Just because of someone enjoying blowing out the curl of smokes in the air, non smokers had to avoid being there. How ethical is that? Thoughts were then.
My best friend started smoking, since the class 8th. Then, it was the Style Factor which led him to convince us, the Pandavas (so called in the school as we were 5 in number and were inseparable) of how smoking is cool thing to do during the schooldays. (Doubting whether the reason changed for any good in the present generation school going kids) He (not to mention his convincing abilities to even embrace Satan in the name of God) convinced us to try once of the immense pleasure a smoke would give oneself. A bunch of school kids, with untidy uniforms, we hit off riding our cycles post the school hours.
Have to mention here of my 1st cycle... Atlas! There you go again, thoughts can be so predictable…read your mind again and NO ways! I was born in 80's not in 60's…just that my uncle somehow was convinced that an Atlas would do me good. Pity me; nobody would have succeeded in changing my uncle's beliefs the time he bought me the cycle. And for 2 full years, I had to cover up my sobbing state (Ego mind, I couldn't ignore that, can I?) whenever I looked at those from the provision stores carrying the groceries to be home delivered or the vendors selling guava in the colony. Thanks to my uncle, he put me into the same league. Boo - hoooo (don't take it literally, this is just for some added spice in the story)
Ok...Deviated! Shifting back to the main topic.
With a sense of adventure, we bought a pack of Gudhangaram, country made cigarettes. They were clove and cinnamon flavored and was chosen as they didn't smell like the usual ciggies. After all we still had to face our parents post school and we couldn't screw up our reputation and loose our only source of income...weekly pocket money. I somehow was inclined to call it Udhagamandalam, as I found the original name very confusing. Don't! Don't ask me to explain how the adopted name made it simplified. I was then a school kid. Nevertheless, we straight away went to our secret meeting point. Yes; like all the kids, we also had a secret place and it was called Chikka Betta Halli (small mountain village - literal translation), a small hilly area near the layout. It was the only place where we were ourselves and not the victims of societal inhibits. It was the place where we had kept our secrets concealed. Also it served as the place for our new frontiers. We always ensured that the place was visited everyday and we discussed on various topics ranging from girls, girls, studies, girls, girls, crushes, girls, boring school, girls, parties, drinking, girls, parental restrictions, our dreams, girls, career ahead, girls again.
Well now that you know of the various topic of our interest, let's get going with the smoker's adventures.
Needless to say, Joe did the opening act and taught us how to hold the ciggies (yeah… In Style!). In matter of seconds, the ciggies were lit and then …… uhhho….uhho.. uhhoo.. uhhooo. Ahem… starting trouble you see.
I went awry over the taste and the smell of the ciggies. Decided instantly that they were not made for me! But had to keep up my reputation of not being the odd man out, I went on to finish the entire smoke. Bham Bham Bholenath!! Small in size but the smelly stick managed to give a complex even to a steam engine.
Ever wondered what happens to one on finishing the 1st smoke of the lifetime. It seems that eyes go blur, coughs recur every 10 seconds, feel thirsty, feel elated, a dramatic sense of mission accomplished, and this and that. Well, all of them happened to me as well. Along with which there was guilt somewhere in the distant corner of my mind and a fear of what if caught, at the same time a yahoo feeling of trying the smoke as well. (For the record, I have this mission of trying anything and everything atleast once in my lifespan. If I like, I stick on to it and if I don't then it becomes history). In pace with the Pandavas, I was looking at the smokes swirling into yet another haze, yet another ciggie lit.
Something happened!
Someone was there!
I knew it, something was wrong. My intuitions were crying out loud to be heard. None bothered. There was a deep sense of fear that something was about to happen. But all I could see was rest of them, blowing out the carbon content in style, while still believing that they were part of this major mafia scene and would shoot at any one on sight.
For sometime my friends caught me rubbing my eyes, they being completely unaware of the disaster in front of me. My act was purely to wake myself from the haze and to ensure what I saw was in real blood and flesh. Sigh!!! They were.
Thud!
Ouch!
“Beversi gala! Eno madhtha iddheera??” (Bastards! What are you doing??)
All I could think was “What the heck? Where did he come from? Oh no! He is not alone, he is with another disaster”
2 hawaldar's were actually standing infront of us, beating their lathi's on the adjacent rock and I was shitting bricks. At the same time I was laughing within at the comical expressions on rest of Pandavas faces. I knew somehow I'd remember this day forever in my life.
It seemed like our guardian angels had taken a break from us, out there somewhere blowing out smokes in circles and In Style. If not, why on earth would these cops come to a distant hill and catch us of all the bad guys out there tormenting the normal life? All we did was have some pure boyish fun in exhaling the smokes. Was that bad? For sure, our angels seemed to have lit yet another Udhagamandalam, absolutely no sign of them!!
It turned out to be that Hawaldar's were not making enough money on their regular strolls and they somehow came to know of few boys visiting this place very often. This was their time to cater to their greedy (and as per them needy) pockets. And guess what, we were the scapegoats and best of all we were caught red handed or should I say smoke handed. All of a sudden we were the culprits, joining the league of hardcore criminals. Thanks to Udhagamandalam! And special thanks to Joe. I owed him big time to face this situation….arrrrgggggghhhhhhh!!!
Then followed the mangala aarthi(a grandeur worship, related to prayers offered to God. The context of the verbal usage in here fits into a deep sarcasm) - being slapped by those beasts, held by the collar, and almost being taken to the police station. What the F***? Finally one of the Pandavas broke down and knelt on his knees and started crying like never before. Before even you think of anything, let me say for the record, it wasn't me! Ever wondered how the sentiments, tears and pleading; bow down the angered beast. It clicked. Our coward Pandava 4(Deepak) seemed to the Hero of the day and our savior. The cops actually gave in only to realize that they were expecting the moolah!(money u dumbhead ).
Pandava 1(Joe) : “hey I have Rs 7/- … spent the rest on the ciggies man”
Pandava 2(MRP) : “damn! My fate..had to fight with my dad yesterday itself…I walked with no money in hand… u guys have to manage”
Pandava 3(Vinay) : “well I have Rs 28/- .. saved it for the weekend rum drinking. Guess I don't have much of a choice. Lets give it all”
Pandava 4(Deepak) : boo hoo (still crying his lungs out) “ I am left with Rs 12 /- but need Rs 3/- to get my cycle chain fixed. Its too loose and I can't ride properly”
Pandava 1(Joe) : “Basket, Fish your chain and your problems, we are dealing with a bigger problem here. Get all your money out and for God sake shut your trap”
Pandava 4(Deepak) : “Fish you!!” Boo Hoo…..Crying continues.
Pandava 5 (Me) : “guys … I spent all my money to get that valentines card for her man. How I wish I delayed buying the card. Aint having any money on me. Wait…. I have 1 Rs and 25 paise. If that's gonna help”
Mathematics came into picture. And guess what … all of us forgot how to count…obviously the credit goes to the guys from the Kourava group. All the money with the change was handed over to them. And the offering was accepted with rude remarks and a threat to jail us if caught next time.
Hmmm… at times even if the offerings are given from the bottom of the heart, it is never received to its best. The greed takes over the humble efforts or was it an effort to cover up our so called mistakes. I didn't even want to think in those lines.
We were shooed away from the hills and were left with a warning of not to visit the place in the future ever. Walking away from the scene, we heard the distant chuckles behind us. Yes it was their day!
Our cycles were parked in the bottom of the hill and we somehow gathered all the strength to run towards the cycle to get the hell out of there. And to our shock, the tyres were flattened. It was indeed a well made plan.
Since then I decided smoking as one of the things I didn’t like and was history to me. Managed to keep the same belief for a long time. Every party attended, every person met I was for sure voting for the non smoking campaign.
But like the wise man says all things happen for a reason. I took onto smoking, this time not for the Style sake. It was for a total different reason. I left everybody shocked with my decision. Guess it’s hard to digest that someone opposing so much would cling on to it every moment.
“Good Morning! This is Nadia from Emirates Airlines and you are about to land in Dubai. Request you all to fasten the seat belts. The weather outside is very humid and the temperature is 41 degree…blah, blah…more blah, blah…. Thank you and Have a nice day!”
Sometimes, one just doesn’t realize as to how the time flies when gone on a deep diving into the past, digging all the pleasant memories. The flight journey indeed seemed short.
I stopped by the sign board to help myself out of the airport.
• Duty Free Shops
• Rest Rooms
• Smoking Zone
• Exit
Bingo!!! Everything was placed in order!
Damn!
Why is it that Airport authority in India, restrict people who want to smoke before boarding the flight or in the flight? Or be it even the Railways. Strict Rules you see!
I didn’t have an option but to throw the pack of cigarettes into the thrash bin.
Yeah, yeah ... I know, you would be thinking of 101 reasons as to why a person should smoke at all. But you gotta be a smoker. A smoker to understand the urge to smoke when one wants to take a break from anything, when the temperature drops down to a pleasant climate, when the day calls in for pooling in extra hours on the work front, killing time while waiting for someone who was late in arrival, the pleasure in the last puff and a lot of reasons to which the non smokers would never relate to.
“OK…that's enough! Enough of giving lame reason as to why one should smoke” - Ahaan! Don't assume that I didn't read your mind. It's a never ending debate between the smokers and non smokers, but still people do what they want to … detest smoking or enjoy smoking. Choice is left open!
Initially I hated smoking, couldn't even be in the vicinity of a smoker. Hated the smokes and the smell….argued about it….cursed people who smoked in the public…felt how unethical of them to do so when the place is equally entertained by the non smokers as well. Just because of someone enjoying blowing out the curl of smokes in the air, non smokers had to avoid being there. How ethical is that? Thoughts were then.
My best friend started smoking, since the class 8th. Then, it was the Style Factor which led him to convince us, the Pandavas (so called in the school as we were 5 in number and were inseparable) of how smoking is cool thing to do during the schooldays. (Doubting whether the reason changed for any good in the present generation school going kids) He (not to mention his convincing abilities to even embrace Satan in the name of God) convinced us to try once of the immense pleasure a smoke would give oneself. A bunch of school kids, with untidy uniforms, we hit off riding our cycles post the school hours.
Have to mention here of my 1st cycle... Atlas! There you go again, thoughts can be so predictable…read your mind again and NO ways! I was born in 80's not in 60's…just that my uncle somehow was convinced that an Atlas would do me good. Pity me; nobody would have succeeded in changing my uncle's beliefs the time he bought me the cycle. And for 2 full years, I had to cover up my sobbing state (Ego mind, I couldn't ignore that, can I?) whenever I looked at those from the provision stores carrying the groceries to be home delivered or the vendors selling guava in the colony. Thanks to my uncle, he put me into the same league. Boo - hoooo (don't take it literally, this is just for some added spice in the story)
Ok...Deviated! Shifting back to the main topic.
With a sense of adventure, we bought a pack of Gudhangaram, country made cigarettes. They were clove and cinnamon flavored and was chosen as they didn't smell like the usual ciggies. After all we still had to face our parents post school and we couldn't screw up our reputation and loose our only source of income...weekly pocket money. I somehow was inclined to call it Udhagamandalam, as I found the original name very confusing. Don't! Don't ask me to explain how the adopted name made it simplified. I was then a school kid. Nevertheless, we straight away went to our secret meeting point. Yes; like all the kids, we also had a secret place and it was called Chikka Betta Halli (small mountain village - literal translation), a small hilly area near the layout. It was the only place where we were ourselves and not the victims of societal inhibits. It was the place where we had kept our secrets concealed. Also it served as the place for our new frontiers. We always ensured that the place was visited everyday and we discussed on various topics ranging from girls, girls, studies, girls, girls, crushes, girls, boring school, girls, parties, drinking, girls, parental restrictions, our dreams, girls, career ahead, girls again.
Well now that you know of the various topic of our interest, let's get going with the smoker's adventures.
Needless to say, Joe did the opening act and taught us how to hold the ciggies (yeah… In Style!). In matter of seconds, the ciggies were lit and then …… uhhho….uhho.. uhhoo.. uhhooo. Ahem… starting trouble you see.
I went awry over the taste and the smell of the ciggies. Decided instantly that they were not made for me! But had to keep up my reputation of not being the odd man out, I went on to finish the entire smoke. Bham Bham Bholenath!! Small in size but the smelly stick managed to give a complex even to a steam engine.
Ever wondered what happens to one on finishing the 1st smoke of the lifetime. It seems that eyes go blur, coughs recur every 10 seconds, feel thirsty, feel elated, a dramatic sense of mission accomplished, and this and that. Well, all of them happened to me as well. Along with which there was guilt somewhere in the distant corner of my mind and a fear of what if caught, at the same time a yahoo feeling of trying the smoke as well. (For the record, I have this mission of trying anything and everything atleast once in my lifespan. If I like, I stick on to it and if I don't then it becomes history). In pace with the Pandavas, I was looking at the smokes swirling into yet another haze, yet another ciggie lit.
Something happened!
Someone was there!
I knew it, something was wrong. My intuitions were crying out loud to be heard. None bothered. There was a deep sense of fear that something was about to happen. But all I could see was rest of them, blowing out the carbon content in style, while still believing that they were part of this major mafia scene and would shoot at any one on sight.
For sometime my friends caught me rubbing my eyes, they being completely unaware of the disaster in front of me. My act was purely to wake myself from the haze and to ensure what I saw was in real blood and flesh. Sigh!!! They were.
Thud!
Ouch!
“Beversi gala! Eno madhtha iddheera??” (Bastards! What are you doing??)
All I could think was “What the heck? Where did he come from? Oh no! He is not alone, he is with another disaster”
2 hawaldar's were actually standing infront of us, beating their lathi's on the adjacent rock and I was shitting bricks. At the same time I was laughing within at the comical expressions on rest of Pandavas faces. I knew somehow I'd remember this day forever in my life.
It seemed like our guardian angels had taken a break from us, out there somewhere blowing out smokes in circles and In Style. If not, why on earth would these cops come to a distant hill and catch us of all the bad guys out there tormenting the normal life? All we did was have some pure boyish fun in exhaling the smokes. Was that bad? For sure, our angels seemed to have lit yet another Udhagamandalam, absolutely no sign of them!!
It turned out to be that Hawaldar's were not making enough money on their regular strolls and they somehow came to know of few boys visiting this place very often. This was their time to cater to their greedy (and as per them needy) pockets. And guess what, we were the scapegoats and best of all we were caught red handed or should I say smoke handed. All of a sudden we were the culprits, joining the league of hardcore criminals. Thanks to Udhagamandalam! And special thanks to Joe. I owed him big time to face this situation….arrrrgggggghhhhhhh!!!
Then followed the mangala aarthi(a grandeur worship, related to prayers offered to God. The context of the verbal usage in here fits into a deep sarcasm) - being slapped by those beasts, held by the collar, and almost being taken to the police station. What the F***? Finally one of the Pandavas broke down and knelt on his knees and started crying like never before. Before even you think of anything, let me say for the record, it wasn't me! Ever wondered how the sentiments, tears and pleading; bow down the angered beast. It clicked. Our coward Pandava 4(Deepak) seemed to the Hero of the day and our savior. The cops actually gave in only to realize that they were expecting the moolah!(money u dumbhead ).
Pandava 1(Joe) : “hey I have Rs 7/- … spent the rest on the ciggies man”
Pandava 2(MRP) : “damn! My fate..had to fight with my dad yesterday itself…I walked with no money in hand… u guys have to manage”
Pandava 3(Vinay) : “well I have Rs 28/- .. saved it for the weekend rum drinking. Guess I don't have much of a choice. Lets give it all”
Pandava 4(Deepak) : boo hoo (still crying his lungs out) “ I am left with Rs 12 /- but need Rs 3/- to get my cycle chain fixed. Its too loose and I can't ride properly”
Pandava 1(Joe) : “Basket, Fish your chain and your problems, we are dealing with a bigger problem here. Get all your money out and for God sake shut your trap”
Pandava 4(Deepak) : “Fish you!!” Boo Hoo…..Crying continues.
Pandava 5 (Me) : “guys … I spent all my money to get that valentines card for her man. How I wish I delayed buying the card. Aint having any money on me. Wait…. I have 1 Rs and 25 paise. If that's gonna help”
Mathematics came into picture. And guess what … all of us forgot how to count…obviously the credit goes to the guys from the Kourava group. All the money with the change was handed over to them. And the offering was accepted with rude remarks and a threat to jail us if caught next time.
Hmmm… at times even if the offerings are given from the bottom of the heart, it is never received to its best. The greed takes over the humble efforts or was it an effort to cover up our so called mistakes. I didn't even want to think in those lines.
We were shooed away from the hills and were left with a warning of not to visit the place in the future ever. Walking away from the scene, we heard the distant chuckles behind us. Yes it was their day!
Our cycles were parked in the bottom of the hill and we somehow gathered all the strength to run towards the cycle to get the hell out of there. And to our shock, the tyres were flattened. It was indeed a well made plan.
Since then I decided smoking as one of the things I didn’t like and was history to me. Managed to keep the same belief for a long time. Every party attended, every person met I was for sure voting for the non smoking campaign.
But like the wise man says all things happen for a reason. I took onto smoking, this time not for the Style sake. It was for a total different reason. I left everybody shocked with my decision. Guess it’s hard to digest that someone opposing so much would cling on to it every moment.
“Good Morning! This is Nadia from Emirates Airlines and you are about to land in Dubai. Request you all to fasten the seat belts. The weather outside is very humid and the temperature is 41 degree…blah, blah…more blah, blah…. Thank you and Have a nice day!”
Sometimes, one just doesn’t realize as to how the time flies when gone on a deep diving into the past, digging all the pleasant memories. The flight journey indeed seemed short.
I stopped by the sign board to help myself out of the airport.
• Duty Free Shops
• Rest Rooms
• Smoking Zone
• Exit
Bingo!!! Everything was placed in order!
Tuesday, November 06, 2007
5 simple pleasures
* rains and getting drenched ... be it a walk on the beach or the simple roof top
* driving to nandi hills especially in the midnight and watching the city glow from the tip of the rock
* sitting anywhere, literal meaning of it, anywhere, with my best pals and just spending time..be it talking .. singing...irritating...or just doing nothing
* relaxing on the bean bag and sipping a ice cold beer on a Sunday afternoon, watching a nice movie in the television...with or without company
* watching friends every morning 6:30 am (weekdays in star world) and feeling happy that i have such equal gud friends
Now its time to list yours too and you need to ask 2 other people to list them too :)
* driving to nandi hills especially in the midnight and watching the city glow from the tip of the rock
* sitting anywhere, literal meaning of it, anywhere, with my best pals and just spending time..be it talking .. singing...irritating...or just doing nothing
* relaxing on the bean bag and sipping a ice cold beer on a Sunday afternoon, watching a nice movie in the television...with or without company
* watching friends every morning 6:30 am (weekdays in star world) and feeling happy that i have such equal gud friends
Now its time to list yours too and you need to ask 2 other people to list them too :)
Sunday, November 04, 2007
knock knock
'Knock Knock'
the door was left unanswered!
ever wondered how does it feel??
an exorbitant silence in the foreplay
The world saw me exhale my last puff for the day..... phooof
Naqaab ... the movie failed to charm my normalcy... but naqaab the existence is dominant enough to be believed ....
Intuition's .... sometimes it relieves oneself.....and sometimes it kills a being ....
thoughts .... were left untold ... buried into its own motherland.....all it needed was a ear to hear...phew.... thoughts again was left unheard ....
Intuition's .... sometimes .... the bleedy soul just goes unnoticed.
hmmm...
the door was left unanswered!
ever wondered how does it feel??
an exorbitant silence in the foreplay
The world saw me exhale my last puff for the day..... phooof
Naqaab ... the movie failed to charm my normalcy... but naqaab the existence is dominant enough to be believed ....
Intuition's .... sometimes it relieves oneself.....and sometimes it kills a being ....
thoughts .... were left untold ... buried into its own motherland.....all it needed was a ear to hear...phew.... thoughts again was left unheard ....
Intuition's .... sometimes .... the bleedy soul just goes unnoticed.
hmmm...
Wednesday, October 17, 2007
I Could!
I could!
I could walk away from the desires of being with you,
Those moments where I would feel the very breathe on my face,
I could walk away from the dreams I dreamt,
Of sweet surrender of my mind onto your laps,
I could walk away from the feelings you invoked,
Of those whisking me away from the ground,
I could fall in love with my loneliness as ever before,
Instead of having a shoulder to lean on at times of loneliness,
I could spend my time wishing for the miracle,
Standing by the railings, looking at the distant hope in the sky,
I could!
But I would not leave this moment go unattended to,
For, I could change the moment for a better off, for something new tomorrow!
I could choose to be living in the past soaked in memories,
Or I could choose to be living in this moment, letting go the past to be a phase!
I see a reflection in the mirror, with a sign of happiness,
For it knows of the choice made!
I could walk away from the desires of being with you,
Those moments where I would feel the very breathe on my face,
I could walk away from the dreams I dreamt,
Of sweet surrender of my mind onto your laps,
I could walk away from the feelings you invoked,
Of those whisking me away from the ground,
I could fall in love with my loneliness as ever before,
Instead of having a shoulder to lean on at times of loneliness,
I could spend my time wishing for the miracle,
Standing by the railings, looking at the distant hope in the sky,
I could!
But I would not leave this moment go unattended to,
For, I could change the moment for a better off, for something new tomorrow!
I could choose to be living in the past soaked in memories,
Or I could choose to be living in this moment, letting go the past to be a phase!
I see a reflection in the mirror, with a sign of happiness,
For it knows of the choice made!
My Tangible Adoption
“Beep Beep”
Mind recognized the new alert and hands reached the modern technology.
‘1 message received’
“gutten morning feeta, lovely weather, day’s kuttu blowin, gosho feel like kissin the daylite..love+concern+kicks+random kisses…hi~fi…stay the same…pooch pooch pooch ..muah..love u”
Once upon a time, these texts seemed Greek and Latin to me, fighting my word power to figure out what did the message signify? Over a period of time, I got habituated to these strange words. At that moment, I was remembered in somebody’s mind, to an extent where in waking up and starting the day seemed to be of secondary importance to her.
“Beep Beep”
“Beep Beep”
“Beep Beep”
My lethargic eyes couldn’t resist the early hours anymore and instantly shut its gate to the sunlight, for an extended sleep until the alarm went off - so started my day. The messages went unanswered and it was very well known to her that my morning was wrapped in a tight schedule until I sit in the bus heading miles away to the office.
At times, I stupidly laugh at myself of the morning schedule, somehow reminding me of that boring character from the movie “Dil Chahtha Hein” – who kept a tab on and recorded every minute of his lifetime. To get up at 6:30 am; switch on my favorite program – “Friends” – head to the ‘Lou Bega’ with paper in my hand – ease myself out – brush my teeth – and sit with a cup of Instant coffee in my bucket size blue mug watching the Friends and their timely stupidity. At 7:00 am; I go to iron my clothes and then head to bathe, followed by offering prayers to the Holy Mighty and then change into my neatly pressed clothes. Barely leaving any time for any other activities, knowing for obvious that if any time was wasted I would miss my bus and had to wreck my back traveling to the office – 40 kilometers away. Phew!
Knock Knock!!
As I got dressed, my mother would be waiting outside the bedroom door, knocking for the 3rd time, with breakfast in hand. Cup of cornflakes - soaked in ice cold milk, with black raisins, badam and a spoon of honey poured in, to add flavor to the flakes. This is when the game of cat and mouse begins; I find myself running around to find my pair of socks, body spray, hand kerchief, wallet, office I card, keys to my office drawers, mobile and my wrist watch. All this while, one would find my mom running behind my back, in the same pace so to get a chance and stuff the cornflakes into my mouth. Childish ways – so be it – but this is how I have my breakfast regularly – a practice since the time I remember, though the breakfast kept changing and off late settled to the cornflakes.
Heading out of the house, would start my jogging time, until I reached the bus stop. Sometimes I find it very difficult to understand as to why I don’t make an attempt to get up early. But there will be thousands of souls who would sync their thoughts with mine when it comes to the orgasmic pleasures of letting the alarm snooze for that last 10 minutes of sleep. Voila - Nothing like it!
On settling myself by the window seat, is when I take my mobile to read the messages received.
“4 messages received”
Amidst all her activities of getting up early like me and getting ready to college to be there by 8:00am, she still finds time to message. And I end up blaming my ‘hectic’ schedules not answering her message until I sit in the bus. Alas! Guilt trip! But it lasts only for fraction of seconds as I convince myself of how all fingers are not the same. It’s true when the wise man wrote – ‘Guys come up with unique ways to evade the guilt and being blamed at’
Last message read – “ feeta – mam’s come and she is boring the hell outta me – it’l be difficult to msg – cya later – will get back once she’s gone…u rock..stay the same..gosho..ur so adorable..stay the same..hi~fi…pooch pooch…..muah”
Gotta admit that display of affection is light years away from my existence, but somehow I started exploring the possibilities of confronting it – thanks to this lady who walked into my life couple of months back.
Hold on your wandering thoughts!!
She is not my girlfriend!
She is not my sweetheart!
Watching the world commuting outside the window by the seat, my mind zoomed in on the memory lane.
One evening, I was to meet a friend of mine in a mall to check in on one of the dance school – you know to learn those steps from Salsa – to woo the girls. Again remind yourself of the special emphasis to be given on the “Guys coming up with unique ways…” phrase – it will add its own magic here. He called up to check out, whether was it a nice idea to get a friend along as she was free that evening. Though lousy to admit of my stranger phobia – I gave a go ahead.
We met up outside the mall and unfortunately the dance school was closed that evening for some lame reason. Post the formal intros, we then headed off to a café to chat for a while. Since it was a weekend, I had earlier told my friend of hitting the pub in the evening for a drink or two. Everything seemed to go for a flop – ‘cos somewhere I still believed that the girls in this city were not as comfortable visiting the pubs as in the city where I spent a large part of my life at.
So we stood outside the café deciding what to do next. Somehow, I guess my friend realized that I wanted to head out for drinks – he spoke of his friend- kuttu’s drinking adventure. To which she jumped off her feet and pleaded to go the pub for a drink, ‘cos she would never get a chance – thanks to her parents.
Voila, what more can I ask for!! However I was warned of her eccentric mode post the drinks masking her senses.
In matter of 20 minutes we found ourselves browsing the drinks menu in the pub. Kuttu, went on deciding her drinks – starting with a shot of Tequila and then followed by rounds of white rum. I didn’t know what to make of it – the only thing that was lingering my mind was the warning my friend gave – ‘her eccentric mode’. But then I was least concerned about it – what mattered to me was to see the glasses being filled every time it was downed to its last sip.
Post the first Tequila shot – which was some sort of a grand ritual for the drinking cult – myself and my friend settled down with the scotch served on rocks. Kuttu was hyper enthu of her next round which she placed an order for – a round of white rum. My friend kept on warning kuttu to keep herself checked on the liquid intake. Just after 30 minutes, everything became very clear to me as to why my friend insisted on her eccentric mode. Phew, I realized it was her 2nd time of drinking in her lifetime, but she spoke of nothing less than a regular drinker. All my nasha went down the drain when it was time to hold her and get her on to the saner side. She was indeed in her best mode in terms of depicting every act of a drunkard’s behavior. We then became the center of attention when people started casting their eyes on our table. It was time to move out and how?? We were clueless! She could barely stand on her feet and all the time she kept on mumbling was – where’s my drink??? God was the only hope to save us off the situation.
It was the night of lots of “first times” in my life. Be it in terms of guarding my glass from a girls prying eyes – requesting the bartender to chase us out (enacting though so that she is convinced that we are being chased out because of her superficial act) – visiting the ladies rest room so that we can wash her face and pour some water on her head – to the disrespectful eyes of the guests waiting in the lounge. Man! that was night definitely to be remembered. We decided to force her to normalcy before she heads back home. The worst was yet to come when I was told of her father being not less than Ambrish puri in DDLJ in terms of raising his kids. I froze and my mind failed to switch on its regular course of action. The only option left to us was to make her act normal. We decided to leave the bikes in the pub and caught an auto and headed to my home – the last resort before my mind stopped working. I called up my mom and told her off the situation and as usual she was being very co-operative. One of the first timers again in my life was when I decided to brush her teeth so that her dad does not smell anything fishy for the night.
Wiseman had penned down earlier – “situations makes a man act anything out of his normalcy”. Indeed, there was no better a situation for this phrase in my life.
Thankfully, God was with us and we safely dropped her back home and she headed off to sleep without speaking a word.
The next morning –
“Beep Beep”
For obvious reasons my eyes opened to see the clock striking 11:00 am. Hands scouted for the mobile and read -
“1 message received” – a message of how miserable she felt and of how grateful she was to meet a stranger who took good care of her during her elated feeling.
“Beep Beep”
We then hit off pretty well and started messaging each other to infinity. She spoke of how she respected me as a person and went on to reveal her teeny weeny crush on me.
Ha Ha Ha !
We met up few days later, when she had accompanied her soul mate to the same café where we were supposed to go to in our first meeting. After a hearty laugh on our drinking experience we then decided to head our respective home. While taking the bike out of the parking lot, I was embarrassed to the core to lip read her when she spoke to her soul mate of how cute I was. Though I am dark, I bet the public wouldn’t have failed to notice how pink I turned into off my embarrassment.
Logical reasoning – Firstly guys fail to react when they are complimented by girls. Secondly guys fail to understand as to how they are perceived to be termed as cute!!!
We have hardly met couple of times but we end messaging each other - atleast 30 – 40 msgs through out the day. I’m in a perpetual awe at her spark of energy any given point of time. She infects a high amount of happiness to anyone and imbibes the feeling of cherishing life in every small way – be it admiring the weather – be it enjoying the coffee – be it getting back home by the rick – or be it even meeting strangers on the road. She is full of life and definitely is one of those who come rarely in a person’s life.
To some extent, she taught me how to express feelings through messages – I wouldn’t have ever imagined saying something as beautiful as ‘muah’ to anyone – be it via messages or be it on the face. Now, it is one of the most commonly used words in my dictionary. I realized its one short lifetime – make the best of it by expressing oneself whole heartedly – as good as a child confronting his feelings.
She is one cute little girl that I couldn’t resist adopting her as a friend – yes she became my adoption –my very first time - for a lifetime.
Hold on!
She is not my girlfriend, but still she is my best girl friend!
She is not my sweetheart, but I still call her so almost everyday!
She is the only one whom I tell almost daily that I love her – but not in the typical way as one might see and perceive.
Sometimes, a relationship amongst genders need not necessarily mean to be that of a boyfriend / girlfriend, brother / sister, husband / wife, father / daughter, mother / son.
Sometimes, a relationship amongst genders become truly indefinable – like the way I have with her. Yes she is my adoption and my friend – in simple words – my adopted friend.
“Beep Beep”
“Beep Beep”
This moment, I am remembered in somebody’s mind, to an extent where in the breaks between the classes is a chance seen for her to catch up on me. And everything else seems to be of secondary importance to her.
“Beep Beep”
“7 messages received”
“Beep Beep”
“Beep Beep”
Note: for the benefit of the reader please note the meaning of the verbal usage.
gutten morning – good morning
feeta - friend
day’s kuttu blowin – day’s mind blowing
gosho – gosh
love+concern+kicks+random kisses – needless to say, however I still don’t know where does concern fit into the formulae. I never asked and she never told.
stay the same – come on you can get this one. It’s damn easy my friend.
pooch pooch pooch – a sort of kiss wherein you kiss yourself in the absence of the other one, just the same way the other person does right on your cheeks.
Muah – an expression of an imaginary chimpanzee pouting his lips in an attempt to kiss.
Hi~fi – an expression of achievement. The act embodies one hand of each person going high in the air and sort to clap one another in the mid air.
Love u – sometimes it’s the best to tell these words irrespective of the situation. I am an ardent fan of these words – thanks to feeta – that I now use it most commonly with the other words learnt due course – “muah! Love u, million hugs and kisses” the first 2 words being her contribution, rest being my attempt to be charming. I generally use this sentence on the girls I find fitting the bill (don bother asking me to explain this one). Sigh, however I have started to believe in the wiseman’s say – “Failure is the first step to success”
Mind recognized the new alert and hands reached the modern technology.
‘1 message received’
“gutten morning feeta, lovely weather, day’s kuttu blowin, gosho feel like kissin the daylite..love+concern+kicks+random kisses…hi~fi…stay the same…pooch pooch pooch ..muah..love u”
Once upon a time, these texts seemed Greek and Latin to me, fighting my word power to figure out what did the message signify? Over a period of time, I got habituated to these strange words. At that moment, I was remembered in somebody’s mind, to an extent where in waking up and starting the day seemed to be of secondary importance to her.
“Beep Beep”
“Beep Beep”
“Beep Beep”
My lethargic eyes couldn’t resist the early hours anymore and instantly shut its gate to the sunlight, for an extended sleep until the alarm went off - so started my day. The messages went unanswered and it was very well known to her that my morning was wrapped in a tight schedule until I sit in the bus heading miles away to the office.
At times, I stupidly laugh at myself of the morning schedule, somehow reminding me of that boring character from the movie “Dil Chahtha Hein” – who kept a tab on and recorded every minute of his lifetime. To get up at 6:30 am; switch on my favorite program – “Friends” – head to the ‘Lou Bega’ with paper in my hand – ease myself out – brush my teeth – and sit with a cup of Instant coffee in my bucket size blue mug watching the Friends and their timely stupidity. At 7:00 am; I go to iron my clothes and then head to bathe, followed by offering prayers to the Holy Mighty and then change into my neatly pressed clothes. Barely leaving any time for any other activities, knowing for obvious that if any time was wasted I would miss my bus and had to wreck my back traveling to the office – 40 kilometers away. Phew!
Knock Knock!!
As I got dressed, my mother would be waiting outside the bedroom door, knocking for the 3rd time, with breakfast in hand. Cup of cornflakes - soaked in ice cold milk, with black raisins, badam and a spoon of honey poured in, to add flavor to the flakes. This is when the game of cat and mouse begins; I find myself running around to find my pair of socks, body spray, hand kerchief, wallet, office I card, keys to my office drawers, mobile and my wrist watch. All this while, one would find my mom running behind my back, in the same pace so to get a chance and stuff the cornflakes into my mouth. Childish ways – so be it – but this is how I have my breakfast regularly – a practice since the time I remember, though the breakfast kept changing and off late settled to the cornflakes.
Heading out of the house, would start my jogging time, until I reached the bus stop. Sometimes I find it very difficult to understand as to why I don’t make an attempt to get up early. But there will be thousands of souls who would sync their thoughts with mine when it comes to the orgasmic pleasures of letting the alarm snooze for that last 10 minutes of sleep. Voila - Nothing like it!
On settling myself by the window seat, is when I take my mobile to read the messages received.
“4 messages received”
Amidst all her activities of getting up early like me and getting ready to college to be there by 8:00am, she still finds time to message. And I end up blaming my ‘hectic’ schedules not answering her message until I sit in the bus. Alas! Guilt trip! But it lasts only for fraction of seconds as I convince myself of how all fingers are not the same. It’s true when the wise man wrote – ‘Guys come up with unique ways to evade the guilt and being blamed at’
Last message read – “ feeta – mam’s come and she is boring the hell outta me – it’l be difficult to msg – cya later – will get back once she’s gone…u rock..stay the same..gosho..ur so adorable..stay the same..hi~fi…pooch pooch…..muah”
Gotta admit that display of affection is light years away from my existence, but somehow I started exploring the possibilities of confronting it – thanks to this lady who walked into my life couple of months back.
Hold on your wandering thoughts!!
She is not my girlfriend!
She is not my sweetheart!
Watching the world commuting outside the window by the seat, my mind zoomed in on the memory lane.
One evening, I was to meet a friend of mine in a mall to check in on one of the dance school – you know to learn those steps from Salsa – to woo the girls. Again remind yourself of the special emphasis to be given on the “Guys coming up with unique ways…” phrase – it will add its own magic here. He called up to check out, whether was it a nice idea to get a friend along as she was free that evening. Though lousy to admit of my stranger phobia – I gave a go ahead.
We met up outside the mall and unfortunately the dance school was closed that evening for some lame reason. Post the formal intros, we then headed off to a café to chat for a while. Since it was a weekend, I had earlier told my friend of hitting the pub in the evening for a drink or two. Everything seemed to go for a flop – ‘cos somewhere I still believed that the girls in this city were not as comfortable visiting the pubs as in the city where I spent a large part of my life at.
So we stood outside the café deciding what to do next. Somehow, I guess my friend realized that I wanted to head out for drinks – he spoke of his friend- kuttu’s drinking adventure. To which she jumped off her feet and pleaded to go the pub for a drink, ‘cos she would never get a chance – thanks to her parents.
Voila, what more can I ask for!! However I was warned of her eccentric mode post the drinks masking her senses.
In matter of 20 minutes we found ourselves browsing the drinks menu in the pub. Kuttu, went on deciding her drinks – starting with a shot of Tequila and then followed by rounds of white rum. I didn’t know what to make of it – the only thing that was lingering my mind was the warning my friend gave – ‘her eccentric mode’. But then I was least concerned about it – what mattered to me was to see the glasses being filled every time it was downed to its last sip.
Post the first Tequila shot – which was some sort of a grand ritual for the drinking cult – myself and my friend settled down with the scotch served on rocks. Kuttu was hyper enthu of her next round which she placed an order for – a round of white rum. My friend kept on warning kuttu to keep herself checked on the liquid intake. Just after 30 minutes, everything became very clear to me as to why my friend insisted on her eccentric mode. Phew, I realized it was her 2nd time of drinking in her lifetime, but she spoke of nothing less than a regular drinker. All my nasha went down the drain when it was time to hold her and get her on to the saner side. She was indeed in her best mode in terms of depicting every act of a drunkard’s behavior. We then became the center of attention when people started casting their eyes on our table. It was time to move out and how?? We were clueless! She could barely stand on her feet and all the time she kept on mumbling was – where’s my drink??? God was the only hope to save us off the situation.
It was the night of lots of “first times” in my life. Be it in terms of guarding my glass from a girls prying eyes – requesting the bartender to chase us out (enacting though so that she is convinced that we are being chased out because of her superficial act) – visiting the ladies rest room so that we can wash her face and pour some water on her head – to the disrespectful eyes of the guests waiting in the lounge. Man! that was night definitely to be remembered. We decided to force her to normalcy before she heads back home. The worst was yet to come when I was told of her father being not less than Ambrish puri in DDLJ in terms of raising his kids. I froze and my mind failed to switch on its regular course of action. The only option left to us was to make her act normal. We decided to leave the bikes in the pub and caught an auto and headed to my home – the last resort before my mind stopped working. I called up my mom and told her off the situation and as usual she was being very co-operative. One of the first timers again in my life was when I decided to brush her teeth so that her dad does not smell anything fishy for the night.
Wiseman had penned down earlier – “situations makes a man act anything out of his normalcy”. Indeed, there was no better a situation for this phrase in my life.
Thankfully, God was with us and we safely dropped her back home and she headed off to sleep without speaking a word.
The next morning –
“Beep Beep”
For obvious reasons my eyes opened to see the clock striking 11:00 am. Hands scouted for the mobile and read -
“1 message received” – a message of how miserable she felt and of how grateful she was to meet a stranger who took good care of her during her elated feeling.
“Beep Beep”
We then hit off pretty well and started messaging each other to infinity. She spoke of how she respected me as a person and went on to reveal her teeny weeny crush on me.
Ha Ha Ha !
We met up few days later, when she had accompanied her soul mate to the same café where we were supposed to go to in our first meeting. After a hearty laugh on our drinking experience we then decided to head our respective home. While taking the bike out of the parking lot, I was embarrassed to the core to lip read her when she spoke to her soul mate of how cute I was. Though I am dark, I bet the public wouldn’t have failed to notice how pink I turned into off my embarrassment.
Logical reasoning – Firstly guys fail to react when they are complimented by girls. Secondly guys fail to understand as to how they are perceived to be termed as cute!!!
We have hardly met couple of times but we end messaging each other - atleast 30 – 40 msgs through out the day. I’m in a perpetual awe at her spark of energy any given point of time. She infects a high amount of happiness to anyone and imbibes the feeling of cherishing life in every small way – be it admiring the weather – be it enjoying the coffee – be it getting back home by the rick – or be it even meeting strangers on the road. She is full of life and definitely is one of those who come rarely in a person’s life.
To some extent, she taught me how to express feelings through messages – I wouldn’t have ever imagined saying something as beautiful as ‘muah’ to anyone – be it via messages or be it on the face. Now, it is one of the most commonly used words in my dictionary. I realized its one short lifetime – make the best of it by expressing oneself whole heartedly – as good as a child confronting his feelings.
She is one cute little girl that I couldn’t resist adopting her as a friend – yes she became my adoption –my very first time - for a lifetime.
Hold on!
She is not my girlfriend, but still she is my best girl friend!
She is not my sweetheart, but I still call her so almost everyday!
She is the only one whom I tell almost daily that I love her – but not in the typical way as one might see and perceive.
Sometimes, a relationship amongst genders need not necessarily mean to be that of a boyfriend / girlfriend, brother / sister, husband / wife, father / daughter, mother / son.
Sometimes, a relationship amongst genders become truly indefinable – like the way I have with her. Yes she is my adoption and my friend – in simple words – my adopted friend.
“Beep Beep”
“Beep Beep”
This moment, I am remembered in somebody’s mind, to an extent where in the breaks between the classes is a chance seen for her to catch up on me. And everything else seems to be of secondary importance to her.
“Beep Beep”
“7 messages received”
“Beep Beep”
“Beep Beep”
Note: for the benefit of the reader please note the meaning of the verbal usage.
gutten morning – good morning
feeta - friend
day’s kuttu blowin – day’s mind blowing
gosho – gosh
love+concern+kicks+random kisses – needless to say, however I still don’t know where does concern fit into the formulae. I never asked and she never told.
stay the same – come on you can get this one. It’s damn easy my friend.
pooch pooch pooch – a sort of kiss wherein you kiss yourself in the absence of the other one, just the same way the other person does right on your cheeks.
Muah – an expression of an imaginary chimpanzee pouting his lips in an attempt to kiss.
Hi~fi – an expression of achievement. The act embodies one hand of each person going high in the air and sort to clap one another in the mid air.
Love u – sometimes it’s the best to tell these words irrespective of the situation. I am an ardent fan of these words – thanks to feeta – that I now use it most commonly with the other words learnt due course – “muah! Love u, million hugs and kisses” the first 2 words being her contribution, rest being my attempt to be charming. I generally use this sentence on the girls I find fitting the bill (don bother asking me to explain this one). Sigh, however I have started to believe in the wiseman’s say – “Failure is the first step to success”
A Balancing Act!
A casual statement was made amidst a conversation with my friend.
“For the person you are, you deserve all of those ever imagined and dreamt off!”
Hmmm…. Elated for a second and at the same time I wondered,
Didn’t those people deserve better -
When their life was snatched away by time, leaving nothing but a life long silence to their loved ones!
When ribs showed their presence when the food didn’t!
When all they found was abandoned in the streets, after pawning their freedom catering to their child’s never ending demands!
When the bowl went empty even after the aged desperate hands cried for alms!
When the tiny tots squeeze themselves into a small iron ring, just to ensure that they catch the right attention and be catered to their next meal!
When they are demanded to pay a donation – a mere token of appreciating work - to get their rights granted!
When the abuse is termed as just another moment of pleasure by those of the stronger presence!
They do!
They do more than what we do!
They pretty much deserve all those dreams which they are scared to even think off!
If all of us, who deserved and got the same in our life, start thinking of fulfilling those dreams of the less fortunate ones, the world would indeed be another mould of balancing act!
Sigh, many of us seldom think in the lines of seeing a smile on other’s face, by sacrificing our own self made deserving plate of desires.
“For the person you are, you deserve all of those ever imagined and dreamt off!”
Hmmm…. Elated for a second and at the same time I wondered,
Didn’t those people deserve better -
When their life was snatched away by time, leaving nothing but a life long silence to their loved ones!
When ribs showed their presence when the food didn’t!
When all they found was abandoned in the streets, after pawning their freedom catering to their child’s never ending demands!
When the bowl went empty even after the aged desperate hands cried for alms!
When the tiny tots squeeze themselves into a small iron ring, just to ensure that they catch the right attention and be catered to their next meal!
When they are demanded to pay a donation – a mere token of appreciating work - to get their rights granted!
When the abuse is termed as just another moment of pleasure by those of the stronger presence!
They do!
They do more than what we do!
They pretty much deserve all those dreams which they are scared to even think off!
If all of us, who deserved and got the same in our life, start thinking of fulfilling those dreams of the less fortunate ones, the world would indeed be another mould of balancing act!
Sigh, many of us seldom think in the lines of seeing a smile on other’s face, by sacrificing our own self made deserving plate of desires.
Sunday, October 07, 2007
Life's calling
Life is not fair at all times.
It shows it’s better side most of its stay.
But to ensure that a soul doesn't get absorbed in the sweet morality at its stake,
It shows up the other side as well...
This is a reasoning of its own self to ensure that the soul feels the sweetness even better.
Life is not fair at all times...............
We just have to sail with the flow.
'Cos there awaits a better side of its being
Waiting to be explored and exploited to its fullest.
Life is Fair if u look at the flip side.
Life is damn Fair .... 'cos its Life ...........
And Life is to be lived to its every second.
Not lost for its every second feeling morose on its adversity.
Life is calling where are you.... Life has its arms spread wide open for the warmth.
Feel the Life .... and its very warmness.
Devils Advocate
Casting my feeling of loneliness was a normalcy since the time I was left alone in the land of no man. Yeah, the transfer to a new place did play the Devil’s advocate in making me realize that I was indeed alone.
Reality Bites
A Heart dies when it is not able to share its feelings...
But a Heart kills itself when another Heart doesn't understand its feelings.
When reality bites.. it bites really hard.
But a Heart kills itself when another Heart doesn't understand its feelings.
When reality bites.. it bites really hard.
Wednesday, October 03, 2007
Lost Race
He was sitting in a corner, all alone by the table. Cup of coffee stayed cold while he was lost in thoughts. For a passerby, he was one of the aged, homeless, aimless, lifeless men who’d not even deserve a second look by the “busy US”. But for the world in his mind, he was a celebrity of his own genre.
Our parents grew up listening to him lending his magnificent voice to the immortal romantic songs in the movies, making a normal actor to a legend. We even come across the legendary name of the actor marked in grandeur naming the streets, the community, and some even go to an extent of worshipping him for the characters the actor portrayed. When the actor was put into the test of his lifetime, the whole city stood still, forcibly by those who saw him beyond as a normal being. The roads were blocked, shops closed down, schools and colleges shut down, riots unveiled in every corner of the city and media working on their toes to showcase his sufferings. News spread from city to nations, people from every sector giving their condolences. There were numerous offerings given to the God for the actor’s wellbeing. Even the politician didn’t let their hands off and made a mockery of the entire situation. Finally the tough time bowed down and opened the gates to the actor’s safety. He was safe, walked out heroically from his troubles and was again treated kingly for his success.
Meanwhile there was another soul, whose career came to a halt as his voice would no suit anyother actor other than the legendary actor himself. However, to his fate, the actor had chosen to sing for himself in all of his movies.
The actor lived to his name, but the voice who gave us the songs was lost in the race. He chose a life of anonymity, for that was far better than seeing his career buried. But he’d still not let go his possession. He’d still wear the Mysore turban and the silk shawl given in honor of his talent. He sought a life which saw him sitting by the corner in one of the city’s old restaurants, sipping a hot cup of coffee and nothing else. He sat hours together, scribbling on his book with shaky hands. There were lots of people visiting the place and they failed to even acknowledge his presence. He’d sometime walk into a gathering and put forth a request to allow him to sing.
He is remembered occasionally for his songs by those people who respected the talent. However, the count is handful. They’d come to him, reminding him of the songs which had touched them in several ways. On their request he ended up singing couple of lines for them. And he was treated with yet another coffee. A mere way of showing their respect to him, but they failed to see the tears rolling down his eyes. He was not meant to be here, he was meant to be a legend by himself. But who’d listen to him. Isn’t it the society’s rule that someone will be remembered only in their absence? He is not remembered in 2nd half of his life, and doubtfully will not be remembered even in his absence.
He is walking the path of loosing an identity, and yet he is so alive, sitting by the corner of his favorite table. Cup of coffee still cold as his thoughts were for now. Lost in his thoughts, his tired eyes caught up with some sleep. When the hotel was to shut down for the day, he got up, took his belongings – a torn umbrella to beat the heat, a newspaper, a diary, pocket full of pens and cheap plastic covers which supposedly had his bare essentials. The table might see him again the next day, if he survived to walk for another cup of coffee.
He walked himself out of the table into the road of darkness. He deserved a better position and state of living, but destiny had his say on the singer’s life.
Our parents grew up listening to him lending his magnificent voice to the immortal romantic songs in the movies, making a normal actor to a legend. We even come across the legendary name of the actor marked in grandeur naming the streets, the community, and some even go to an extent of worshipping him for the characters the actor portrayed. When the actor was put into the test of his lifetime, the whole city stood still, forcibly by those who saw him beyond as a normal being. The roads were blocked, shops closed down, schools and colleges shut down, riots unveiled in every corner of the city and media working on their toes to showcase his sufferings. News spread from city to nations, people from every sector giving their condolences. There were numerous offerings given to the God for the actor’s wellbeing. Even the politician didn’t let their hands off and made a mockery of the entire situation. Finally the tough time bowed down and opened the gates to the actor’s safety. He was safe, walked out heroically from his troubles and was again treated kingly for his success.
Meanwhile there was another soul, whose career came to a halt as his voice would no suit anyother actor other than the legendary actor himself. However, to his fate, the actor had chosen to sing for himself in all of his movies.
The actor lived to his name, but the voice who gave us the songs was lost in the race. He chose a life of anonymity, for that was far better than seeing his career buried. But he’d still not let go his possession. He’d still wear the Mysore turban and the silk shawl given in honor of his talent. He sought a life which saw him sitting by the corner in one of the city’s old restaurants, sipping a hot cup of coffee and nothing else. He sat hours together, scribbling on his book with shaky hands. There were lots of people visiting the place and they failed to even acknowledge his presence. He’d sometime walk into a gathering and put forth a request to allow him to sing.
He is remembered occasionally for his songs by those people who respected the talent. However, the count is handful. They’d come to him, reminding him of the songs which had touched them in several ways. On their request he ended up singing couple of lines for them. And he was treated with yet another coffee. A mere way of showing their respect to him, but they failed to see the tears rolling down his eyes. He was not meant to be here, he was meant to be a legend by himself. But who’d listen to him. Isn’t it the society’s rule that someone will be remembered only in their absence? He is not remembered in 2nd half of his life, and doubtfully will not be remembered even in his absence.
He is walking the path of loosing an identity, and yet he is so alive, sitting by the corner of his favorite table. Cup of coffee still cold as his thoughts were for now. Lost in his thoughts, his tired eyes caught up with some sleep. When the hotel was to shut down for the day, he got up, took his belongings – a torn umbrella to beat the heat, a newspaper, a diary, pocket full of pens and cheap plastic covers which supposedly had his bare essentials. The table might see him again the next day, if he survived to walk for another cup of coffee.
He walked himself out of the table into the road of darkness. He deserved a better position and state of living, but destiny had his say on the singer’s life.
Tuesday, October 02, 2007
...
People meet in unexpected circumstances, with unexpected emotions, and with unexpected future. However, when the circumstances pool in for an expected beginning, people foray into unexpected ways of opening up.
Monday, October 01, 2007
Complicated Mind
Mind is one’s universe, crafting to every foreseen and unforeseen situations. It’s the comfort level we, the better part of the species, are relaxing on every moment with the foreseen situations. But unforeseen situations demands for a realistic approach, established and matured mind to take over.
Our living is encountered with several of these situations. Many of which we would have anticipated and geared for its acceptance. Some of which we fear and discard its notion until its arrival. However, there are those situations which strikes like a thunder and leave a remarkable remembrance in our life time. How does our mind accommodate such a situation; always remained a question in my mind.
We open our eyes to the daylight. Mechanically mind begins to strike each of the activities on its completion; bathroom – ticked, coffee – ticked, paper – ticked, breakfast – ticked, ironing clothes – ticked, getting ready – ticked….. One is so used to this typical arrangement that mind is automatically tuned to its actions. If one of these activities in the “to do list” goes out of gear- an unwanted disturbance shows up in the day to day rhythm. Our actions are dominated by irritation, snubbing, inability to concentrate and whole lot of psychological mood swings. But still this seems to be so normal in terms of leading our rhythmic flow of life. It is when we confront a situation so unimagined; that we become numb, to an extent that our mind halts its regular functioning.
Citing an experience on an early morning, I was shocked to know that my best friend’s father passed away. Unexpected as it seemed, but the feeling of loosing someone is dreadful, especially when that someone was around in all walks of my friend’s life, from the initial walk to the walk in the aisle. That someone was to hold his grandchildren’s hands as well and teach them the very first footsteps. And all of a sudden the world became blank and he was just a photograph hung amidst the swelling emotions. The clock stopped working for him and continued for others to accept the reality of his invisible state of being. I could hear my friend loosing his breath whilst confirming the news and all I could sense was his helplessness commanding his very voice. He was shattered and for the first time ever his emotions became more audible, the tears rolled down while the voice crumbled with fears. I could only imagine his state of being. A day planned with regular activities but confronted with unforeseen situation.
It is when my mind started exploring the possibilities of the so called unforeseen situations and the repercussions of it in our very own lives.
How do we react when our worst fears come face to face?
How do we convince ourselves that the one present moment ago will ever be a memory?
How do we accept the twists that jerk our way of living?
How do we pick ourselves from the devastated moment to a stronger position?
Our mind is the controller of all our activities, but still when it faces an unforeseen situation, it is usually the heart that takes control in the initial stages until it looses out to the emotions. And then the complicated mind takes over acting like a weaver, joining the intricacies and preparing for the stage beyond the moment.
Somewhere mind knows that this too is a phase and shall pass.
Sound of the Silence
A beautiful thought put forth by a friend of mine.
"No sound in this world can be more louder than silence.
And if anyone cannot understand your silence,
they can never understand your words"
Thank you there!
"No sound in this world can be more louder than silence.
And if anyone cannot understand your silence,
they can never understand your words"
Thank you there!
Value
Life never gives what you lost...
And keeps reminding you of the value that goes with the lost.
However, Life will give you a chance so that you do realize what you could loose and learn the value of it beforehand.
Humans seldom understand this aspect and overlook it all the time.
And keeps reminding you of the value that goes with the lost.
However, Life will give you a chance so that you do realize what you could loose and learn the value of it beforehand.
Humans seldom understand this aspect and overlook it all the time.
Sunday, September 30, 2007
Life's metaphor...
“There is something which always happens out of nothing”
So very true when all I found was nothing in my empty capsule of living. I needed a change and what I needed was a companion who could listen but not advise, who could comfort me but not worry me with their troubles, who could teach me differently but not in the name of any institution.
I wanted a difference in my routine, of looking at my next coming days with some new excitement.
Deciding thus, I got along a pair of white doves expecting nothing more than just a pet at home and fondly called them Raja and Rani. Thankfully my mom was supportive in terms of letting the pair reside under the same roof.
I never believed in clasping anybody’s freedom, so I decided not to cage them. The doves were free to explore my house and live at their own comfort levels. However, it took them sometime to accept the new space and the new faces. They would initially hesitate to visit us in close proximities. With the days rolling by, they recognized our existence along with them and accepted us being part of their life. Raja moved in first to touch us and sat on my shoulder and slowly Rani budged in as well.
I used to feed them, clean their droppings and gave them water to quench their thirst. I remember waking up in the morning and finding Rani happily sleeping next to my pillow with her eyes closed. Raja was relaxing in the far corner of the hall where we kept our footwears. During the daytime, they’d follow my mom all around when she went in for the household chores.
When the television went abuzz, they’d join us in watching together and happily sat on top of the claypot, at a foot’s distance away from the dumb box. Raja would twist and turn his head in amazement when the volumes soared high.
Weeks counted on the calendar and I was simply taken by the new members in the house. I would return home to find them fluttering their wings. I took them as a token of appreciation of showing up on time.
One lazy afternoon, watching one of the painstaking programs on the television, I thought of something which my friend had told in one of our casual conversation. About how to let go someone and if that someone returns back to us then that someone will remain with us forever in our lifetime. For that someone really loves us and would give away everything to be with us. Pondering over the thoughts, I was curious to know whether Raja and Rani were made for me, whether they really did like our company and our small house.
The door to my house was opened and the couples were free to explore the other possibilities. At first, Raja and Rani hesitated to step outside and later on they walked into the balcony and felt the fresh air. Their wings fluttered in so seemed excitement. I had a choice of shooing them to the indoors or just letting them feel the moment. Mind traversed with the options upfront and then I walked into the corner and let them embrace THEIR moment.
Rani started gazing at the sky and walked in a few steps to the corner of the balcony and was doing her titanic pose. In fraction of few seconds she gathered her courage and winged her way to the skies. She started circling in motions on top of my house in sheer excitement. From there she could see the colony, at the same time feel the wind and look down at the materialistic world. Standing by the corner, my jaws dropped in awe.
Raja slowly followed her to the skies and was flapping his wings in a very amateurish style. He blindly followed Rani in circles and for once made me think of moments rejoicing in freedom. They were together in whatever they did and none ever hesitated to compliment others attitude in exploring the new possibilities. They flew in the blue skies, just above my house and now were part of the God’s roof of living.
It was then that I rethought of the conversation, what goes off comes back to you if it is really yours. I had smile, an assurance that they’d return and tell me, in their own language, about their experience.
I saw them flying up and above, heard their wings flapping. I waited, not realizing that the moments mounted into hours and rolling into days and they were just there, right above my house, flying at their leisure and forgetting all about the life they had with me in my very own nest where they were respected of their individuality. I still convinced myself that they lost their way back home and they’d return.
Slowly they disappeared from the vicinity and into the deeper skies. They were gone. Raja and Rani chose their own ways of enjoying their living. And I was not part of it. That is when I realized that they didn’t belong to me and they were belonging to the upper skies. Somewhere I sensed their happy moment together and assumed them smiling at each other.
Wings flapping on arrival may not necessarily be the token of appreciation of showing up, so I thought, they could also be perceived as "Look I've got wings and I wanna use them, let me out and embrace the skies and my freedom"
A metaphor of life this time… inwardly speaking to me and reminding me of yet another instance. And this time, I stared at the skies, jaws dropped down, not in awe but in brooding over my anxieties.
Transfixing my state of mind, yet another lost flight of time decorated my memory.
What you see is not what you get and what you get is not what you see.
However, this time, the guardian angels are besides me, so say my horoscope for the month. However, this time, I so want to believe in every word they say.
Amen!
Amen!
Amen!
When preferances are dictated...
Bias on the Homosexuality.
It’s a mere subject of conversation you and me may take it to. However to those who live it, it’s their very Life and choices they make.
There have been numerous forums which discuss in detail of the choices people tend to live their life with. But it boils down to the basic aspect of psychology “my thoughts are not understood by you and yours not by me.”
This leaves a handful of questions scouting my childish brains.
What are preferences?
What are choices?
What is love?
What is right way of expressing ones love?
What is sexuality?
What are genders?
Since I didn’t find the answers as I am questioner by self, I reached out to the mass. They opined Man to Woman and Woman to Man was the Godly way of expressing the Love, otherwise it was satanic choice of disobeying the worldly norms, simply Ungodly.
But … UNGODLY is only said by one of the creations of God...yet another species in the societal run of survival.
He created us and we have every right to live to his creation.
All he imbibed in us was the feeling of Love and to express it in our own ways. We chose different ways of exploring and expressing it ...be it the GODLY (so said by the society) way of expressing it to the opposite genders or be it to the same. All we are doing is expressing in our own ways. So in which angle does it justify that this is GODLY and this is so UNGODLY?
Let’s be more than the subject of societal dictums and start looking the very aspect of inspirational living… the world of simple LOVE.
We have the right to live our thoughts and let us not be dictated by the mere pressure of the outsiders.
If certain percentage of the mass has chosen a way of life where for them, it feels just right to be with the one of the same gender, then let’s respect them and their thoughts. Instead, what we, so called being part of the majority in the mass, do is moronic actions of confronting their very choices. How justifiable is that?
Depressingly, we heed to the voices of the so called society as we somewhere accept that expressing love differently is UNGODLY. Our broadminded thoughts are ignored when we face their choices upfront, turning into the genre of hypocrites.
Our cognitive psychology apprehends our very thoughts of the right choices. However, they have their right to make their choices as well. Choices which may seem absurd to us with so called the normal thinking, but for them it’s their very preferences which are being lived by their choices.
When preferences are straightened, be it with the societal belief of normalcy or be it with the individual acceptance to be so called different, they are still the preferences of a sane mind, a result of pondering on million thoughts and circumstances. Then why do we question when preference are dictated of our thoughts?
It’s a mere subject of conversation you and me may take it to. However to those who live it, it’s their very Life and choices they make.
There have been numerous forums which discuss in detail of the choices people tend to live their life with. But it boils down to the basic aspect of psychology “my thoughts are not understood by you and yours not by me.”
This leaves a handful of questions scouting my childish brains.
What are preferences?
What are choices?
What is love?
What is right way of expressing ones love?
What is sexuality?
What are genders?
Since I didn’t find the answers as I am questioner by self, I reached out to the mass. They opined Man to Woman and Woman to Man was the Godly way of expressing the Love, otherwise it was satanic choice of disobeying the worldly norms, simply Ungodly.
But … UNGODLY is only said by one of the creations of God...yet another species in the societal run of survival.
He created us and we have every right to live to his creation.
All he imbibed in us was the feeling of Love and to express it in our own ways. We chose different ways of exploring and expressing it ...be it the GODLY (so said by the society) way of expressing it to the opposite genders or be it to the same. All we are doing is expressing in our own ways. So in which angle does it justify that this is GODLY and this is so UNGODLY?
Let’s be more than the subject of societal dictums and start looking the very aspect of inspirational living… the world of simple LOVE.
We have the right to live our thoughts and let us not be dictated by the mere pressure of the outsiders.
If certain percentage of the mass has chosen a way of life where for them, it feels just right to be with the one of the same gender, then let’s respect them and their thoughts. Instead, what we, so called being part of the majority in the mass, do is moronic actions of confronting their very choices. How justifiable is that?
Depressingly, we heed to the voices of the so called society as we somewhere accept that expressing love differently is UNGODLY. Our broadminded thoughts are ignored when we face their choices upfront, turning into the genre of hypocrites.
Our cognitive psychology apprehends our very thoughts of the right choices. However, they have their right to make their choices as well. Choices which may seem absurd to us with so called the normal thinking, but for them it’s their very preferences which are being lived by their choices.
When preferences are straightened, be it with the societal belief of normalcy or be it with the individual acceptance to be so called different, they are still the preferences of a sane mind, a result of pondering on million thoughts and circumstances. Then why do we question when preference are dictated of our thoughts?
Thursday, September 27, 2007
Another Smile
Cloudy day…
Cool breeze…
Rooster late from its sleep giving a guilty wake up call…
Morning chores…
Empty stomach…
Rushing out of the house not to miss the office bus…
Sweepers sweeping…
Shutters opening…
Vegetable vendors arranging his possessions in a meticulous manner…
Slushy roads…
Dogs sleeping…
Aged people religiously walking in and out of the temple…
Torturous traffic…
Crowded bus stops…
Laborers standing by the roadside tea stall and savoring their only energy drink…
Cluttered vehicles…
Screeching horns…
School kids lined up waiting for the bus to arrive…
All reminding me of just another day in the calendar…
But…
Deep within…
Something tells me that it’ll not be the same.
‘cos somewhere resting is a beautiful feeling…
With no origins and no road…
But showing up its existence…
It’s all in the mind…
Another imagination in the foreplay…
Another smile on the face.
Wednesday, September 26, 2007
Blank! In the Mind
Blank!
Blank!
Was my past
Blank was the feeling passed since the birth of my soul,
Blank was the hopes of my parents when the reality stuck,
Blank!
So is my present
Blank is the state of mind when I wake up in the morning,
Blank is the world I see when I use my visionary glands,
Blank is the taste I feel when I sense the fears,
Blank!
Will be my definite future.
Blank will be the sound I’d hear when I choose my ears,
Blank will be the life I’d know when I look beyond the day,
Blank!
Blink, I Blink, but still all I see is Blank,
Blank is the reality of my life,
‘cos all I can see is Blank.
Be a Blind,
To understand the fears of Blank,
To feel the fears of Blank,
To learn the fears of Blank,
Blank!
It takes more than Blank thoughts to be a Blind.
Tuesday, September 25, 2007
Strangely Strangers
They are all around.
As I walk along the busy street amidst the market,
Learning the fact that I am not alone,
I find them shopping for their week ahead,
The same reason as to why I am there.
They are all around.
As I settle down by the roadside café,
Ordering for a cup of coffee to ease my day,
I find them sitting next to my table.
The same reason as to why I am there.
They are all around.
As I visit the expo at the end of the avenue,
To sight a masterpiece for a corner in the house,
I find them scouting other artifacts to decorate their interiors,
The same reason as to why I am there.
They are all around.
As I stop by the restaurant to cater to my hunger,
Browsing through the varieties on the menu,
I find them calling the waiter to place an order,
The same reason as to why I am there.
They are all around.
As I walk into the bookstore to pick up the next best seller,
Then scanning my other choices of books for the travel ahead,
I find them there already billing the books to stack in their shelf,
The same reason as to why I am there.
They are all around.
As I wave to stop the speeding cab in vain,
Hoping to reach home and be with things I relate to,
I find them at a distance with their hands full of shopping baggages,
The same reason as to why I am there.
They are all around.
As I search for my keys amidst the possessions bought for the day,
To open the doors to my kingdom, my sweet home,
I find them entering the next door with a smile of relief,
The same reason as to why I am there.
They are all around me.
Strangely,
They seem to be so much like me,
But still I don’t know them.
They seem to have similar interests like me,
But still I don’t relate to them.
They seem to have same feelings like me,
But still I don’t disclose mine to them.
Strangely, Strangers are all around me,
Giving me the same look as I had all the while,
Strangely, they are all around me,
The same reason as to why I am there.
Monday, September 24, 2007
Sinusoidal Mind
And the world named me cynical!
I am here convincing the world of my very visibility…
yet they say I am so far away from being here.
There is more of me which the day hasn’t seen…
‘cos they say I am an inhibit of my own clutters.
There is more to what I show of my feelings…
‘cos they say I am an evaluated victim of self constraints.
I see the night in the daytime and shiver…
and they say I am the cause and effect of my own bilateral imagination.
I experience the unknown sitting next to me with a snorty glare…
yet they say he is non existent, in my mind, unseen and unheard by others.
I howl hastily; for the fears reckon me from the timeless era…
Wrecked from my own tears, I am yet deemed to be a societal threat.
I see the food explicitly served in my plate by the fist of ordinance…
Flies being the honor of guests leave no space for my fingers to savor.
I see the known faces walking since years along my line of living…
but I know the known faces just know me skin deep.
I am destined of having pleasures of life within the 4 walls,
with a small window opening to the world as seen by them.
The only prop that decorated within the 4 walls was my cot,
with 3 shaky legs and 3 bricks supporting as the 4th leg.
Unwashed blanket to cover me from the coldness,
which was the only gift I saw as a child from my mother.
And then I blankly stare at the only ornament decorating me since ages,
the only metal I felt and knew,
the only music I heard when they clanged harshly,
the perpetual chain of my miseries and unseen happiness,
that clenched my feet to the wall of darkness.
And they say it was the chain of grounding me to normalcy,
Chain of keeping a control on my behavior,
Chain depicting the cause of their right actions.
They say,
I am the result of my sinusoidal mindset.
I am the mould of my own fears.
I am the reason of their perpetual problems.
I am the insult of their family pride.
But all I wanted to say was,
I want to be heard, as the way they are heard by the world,
I want to be felt, as the way they are felt by the world,
I want to be touched, as the way they are touched by the world,
I want to be seen, as the way they are seen by the world,
I want to live a life, as they live theirs in this world,
I want to be like them, living a life in the open air,
Not like mine counting days in the solitary confinement.
Since the hold on my memory, I’ve seen the sapling grow
outside my worldly window, into its gigantic beauty,
shadowing the world beneath, housing the birds in thousands,
kids swinging from the tree into their own sweet time.
I see the familiarity breeding happiness…
but that’s just a state of momentary present.
And then I see my aging helpless palms scooping my vision….
In a deliberate attempt to close to the worldly norms.
And yet the world named me cynical.
Dreams Unlimited
What is it that makes us dream when the reality is so much occupied in our regularity of habitual living?
Its mere evidence, whatever said and done, that we still follow our routine - day by day and still believe that it has to be lived. However when the day ends, we realize - it was nothing more than yesterday and was nothing more than the day before that - a simplistic routine.
Still there are many aspects which we wanted to experience during the course of the day and failed to see its visibility, filling up the ‘didn’t do it today as well’ bottle which is overflowing with its contents since the years counted. Unknowingly our mind is so stubborn of opening this bottle and experiencing each of its content, that we start living them in the only other possibility – dreams; almost an alter living – somehow realistically believable. When the dream machine is boarded, it’s our journey and we become, almost convincingly, any character birthing from our thoughts.
In this alter life; we have the balls to say NO to those we wanted to say NO to in reality. We have the audacity to tell the boss that he sucks and is good for nothing. We have the capabilities of exploring the deepest fears and yet we find solace in just doing so. It’s our world, we have the power to choose the next action and we do so without hesitating further consequences.
We start living in an imaginative world, convincing ourselves that this is how we should experience it ‘cos we still have a routine life to live from the moment we wake up to reality.
We are the maker and we are the liver.
Dreams are unlimited - It’s like Alice exploring her imaginative, dreamy and her wonderland. Who’d stop her and who’d stop us?
An unfading smile to learn that there is no one stopping us of our imagination.
Wednesday, September 19, 2007
Prayers
Our course of life takes us through varied paths. Some cherished for its memories, some regretted for reasons better not explained, some unacknowledged and some even unwanted. However, once the path taken so is it taken. There is no looking back as it doesn’t give us an option of changing the choice made. So all lies in our hands as to what best can be made of the choice led. And usually, we the ignorant, always go by the easy way of finding the faults and blaming none other than ourselves. Who’s at the gaining side? None! But who’s at the loss? We! And we still continue doing so as we believe that’s the best way of getting it out and over.
It’s all about looking at the positive of the negative side. It’s all about making our choice, this time thoughtfully, whether we want to let go of those memories which are the most cherished at the same time the most painful or we want to hold them back and live with them in a cocoon closing all the possible opportunities ahead of us. It’s all about how far we have made our mind to release the block that has occupied our mind substantially.
Somewhere amidst the torments we rely on the only Source of oneness, Who knows us without even a single word uttered and to Whom we approach when we are clueless. We take Him on every single ride when our mind explores and explodes. He is always there with us, Unseen but unbelievingly Felt with every moment of His presence.
We seek Him through Prayers!
An astound belief in the Almighty and a way of communicating, prayers help us expressing our desires, happiness, loneliness, fears, wish for miracles, welfare of health, need for help, betterment and so on so forth. Some kneel down, some bow down, some close their eyes and some circle the idols, some cross the heart and some just talk to the Unseen. Prayers take their own form adapting to the choice left to the believer.
Prayers, give us a way of relaxation, as it comes along with a satisfaction that some one will always be there to listen to us at the most crucial path of our life. Some one will always lift us and walk along the thorny path; some one will hold us and relax us at times of despair and some one will make us wanted as we blindly believe in their powers and existence. It’s the faith in the Almighty that we seek Him through prayers ‘cos somewhere there is a hidden belief that He listens to us when we speak to Him.
And I am dedicating this post to my friend in need of such prayers. My prayers are along side of yours. ‘Cos somewhere I believe, instead of one voice praying for the same cause if other voices join along, there are better chances of being heard as the prayers resonate with higher altitude. And so the voices will secretly join along every time someone reads this.
God always has plans for us, though during the rough sailing it all seems cloudy to our eyes, but God still has plans for us.
Monday, September 17, 2007
Limitations not found
I am the bird, flying its stature,
up in the sky, with limitations not found.
I am the wind, flowing by the hills,
Beguiling the bird’s flight, with limitations not found
I am the fish, swimming with ease,
across the currents, with limitations not found.
I am the ocean, calm and serene,
mothering millions a life, with limitations not found.
I am the moon walker, astral on the prowl,
walking the first stead, with limitations not found.
I am the star, wisher of hopes and desires,
shooting at my will, with limitations not found.
I am the nomad, with no root and no cause,
footing a new land everyday, with limitations not found.
I am the priest, blessed with all the powers,
betokening the oncoming years, with limitations not found.
I am the prince, with the charming gait,
strolling through my kingdom, with limitations not found.
I am the Casanova, a magician at the art,
casting spells on the womanhood, with limitations not found.
I am the Unthinkable; I am the Powerful,
I am the Rebellious; I am the Saint,
I am the Richness; I am the Five Entities,
I am the Happiness; I am the Hope,
I am the Impeccable; I am the Desire,
I am a slumberer, awakened by the unstoppable alarm,
I am yet a human, a prolific dreamer of abundance,
I am yet a liver, a subject of the world’s disposal,
I was what I am,
I am what I am,
And will be what I am.
With limitations not found.
Thursday, September 06, 2007
25 minutes too late....
I feel like talking! Talking to everyone about what’s happening deep within. But at this juncture, I only wonder how will it be perceived?
I look at the numb mobile phone to buzz into life like it used to show “1 message received” and that was of something as simple as “ just droped in2 say have a beautiful day” till the late nights when it used to buzz only to say “I’m sleepy, wil catch up 2moro”. Even to an extent when the messages used to come from unidentified no’s and read “hi..ran outta my currency, mesgin frm my mom’s fone…” Days remembered when I was in middle of a boring meeting and get a sweet note of technology… to simply remind that someone is still thinking of you.
However, this time the mobile buzzes with “1 message received” but never from the one I’m secretly hoping for. It’l either be one of those forward messages, which reminds you of how technology has managed to convince human mind of not keeping in touch by person, ‘cos the message will still remind of their existence or it’l be of those category which just talks about stuffs which is realistically impossible. Or it’l be of the service provider’s which lists down the latest bollywood songs that can be downloaded for free as dial tones. Call rates @ Rs 6 per minute. Either ways it’s not the one I looked for.
Why does everything have to be this way? Ironically there is a song from my playlist which goes alive after couple of soft rock numbers. The artist sings ”After sometime, I finally made up my mind….she is the girl and I really want to make her mine….I am searching everywhere to find her again, to tell her that I love her and I am sorry about the things I have done…. I find her standing in front of the church, the only place in town where I dint search….She looks so happy in her wedding dress, but she’s crying while she’s saying this……….but I missed ur kisses……25 minutes too late.. though you traveled so far ,but I am sorry u are …25 minutes too late ”.
Somewhere it was understood that there was no searching her everywhere to find her again; there was no finding her standing in front of the church and in her wedding dress and there were definitely no kisses to be missed. But some how it was ironical with the 25 minutes too late. She will always remain to be the one whom I’l know ever in the future…..but I was too late to confess when I did - for the time was gone, the moment was lost; there was someone else which reminded me of her wedding dress standing by the church.
I was reminded of how men go into the self made cave; go for a deep dive to find self space and when they figured out they come out and their woman will be there waiting for them to confront their feelings. It only happened that when I went deep into a cave, the depth made me come out more that 25 minutes and then it was too late. Yes I was more than 25 minutes too late!
Its not love, cos I don’t even know the meaning of it and its way too early to be judged. However, it’s a feeling which invokes pleasant moments desired to be lived…with the one holding hands….walking down the far away stretch on the beach….like the way it is done in my imaginative world. But it’s just in the mind.
She can never be mine,
Even if I wanted like never before, she can never be mine.
Tuesday, September 04, 2007
Have you ever?
Have you ever felt touched by a person’s fingers,
Whom you know will touch the same way rest of your life?
Have you ever felt the look in the eyes which outcry and say,
Please be there in front of me until I close to destiny?
Have you ever felt the kiss which takes your feet away from the ground,
Only for the reason that you know it’s not the kiss of lust but that of love?
Have you ever felt the whispers which ignites a hair raising sensation,
For the words murmured reminds of the angelic serenity?
Have you ever felt the smell in the air which was carefully chosen,
From the vaults of heaven to the womb of the earth, especially for you?
Have you ever felt rested on the laps of the one whose mere touch,
Puts your worries miles away and imbibes a peaceful sleep as never before?
Have you ever felt?
Have you ever?
Have you?
If you have then post me the wedding card, if not –
I’d still look at the sky and hunt for the shooting stars,
I’d ‘cos –
I’d want to –
‘cos I want to feel ever that way.
Rains O Rains
Rain; cleanse me with your real self!
For I am clothed with the dust from the past.
Wanting to wash away every bit of the layer,
To see a new soul ready to start afresh.
I come to you with the varied past,
Reminiscence of the Yin and the Yang self.
Cluttered thoughts frame my present,
Future, desiring to see betterment.
Radiance of your every drop,
Reminds me to see moments differently.
Moments, flowing down as the time sheds,
Without trace of its existence ever been led.
Hope that enriches with your very touch,
Soul stirring tranquility with your very presence,
I stand in front of you with arms wide open,
Embrace me like you do so with the earth and its essence.
Sunday, September 02, 2007
Empyrean Aplomb
It’s gonna be by the hill side,
Just a canopy by the peak.
Lotsa drapes free flowing,
Moving in sync with the winds grandeur.
Blue Orchids to the white lilies randomly picked and placed,
Adding their beauty in silence for the moment awaited.
Melodies to melt the hearts flowing out of the musicians magical hands,
From the guitars to the piano casting their own mystical spells.
Candles standing in all shapes, awaiting their part to be played,
With aromas specially adored, for the moment glorious.
Cloudy weather painting a glittering golden streak in the horizon,
Just about to downpour the pearly drops, but it just wouldn’t ‘cos its my day.
And there I stand undisturbed from the charming nature,
Wandering my eyes from nadir to the zenith, witnessing an empyrean aplomb.
Only to be called by the one who redefines the word Charming,
Stretching her hand for a life long feel, just to hold me tight to eternity.
Standing still to capture the moment and looking at the sky with words murmured,
“Thank you! Thank you for making someone more beautiful than you,
Thank you for making this my day forever! Thank you!”
Wedding bells in the distant church passing their wishes,
Enacting the enchanting mysticism right from the vaults of heaven.
Moments arrive when I take over her stretch of soft hands,
With every sensuous touch, promising deep within for being there until the last breathe.
I Do! I Do! I Do!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)