I feel like talking! Talking to everyone about what’s happening deep within. But at this juncture, I only wonder how will it be perceived?
I look at the numb mobile phone to buzz into life like it used to show “1 message received” and that was of something as simple as “ just droped in2 say have a beautiful day” till the late nights when it used to buzz only to say “I’m sleepy, wil catch up 2moro”. Even to an extent when the messages used to come from unidentified no’s and read “hi..ran outta my currency, mesgin frm my mom’s fone…” Days remembered when I was in middle of a boring meeting and get a sweet note of technology… to simply remind that someone is still thinking of you.
However, this time the mobile buzzes with “1 message received” but never from the one I’m secretly hoping for. It’l either be one of those forward messages, which reminds you of how technology has managed to convince human mind of not keeping in touch by person, ‘cos the message will still remind of their existence or it’l be of those category which just talks about stuffs which is realistically impossible. Or it’l be of the service provider’s which lists down the latest bollywood songs that can be downloaded for free as dial tones. Call rates @ Rs 6 per minute. Either ways it’s not the one I looked for.
Why does everything have to be this way? Ironically there is a song from my playlist which goes alive after couple of soft rock numbers. The artist sings ”After sometime, I finally made up my mind….she is the girl and I really want to make her mine….I am searching everywhere to find her again, to tell her that I love her and I am sorry about the things I have done…. I find her standing in front of the church, the only place in town where I dint search….She looks so happy in her wedding dress, but she’s crying while she’s saying this……….but I missed ur kisses……25 minutes too late.. though you traveled so far ,but I am sorry u are …25 minutes too late ”.
Somewhere it was understood that there was no searching her everywhere to find her again; there was no finding her standing in front of the church and in her wedding dress and there were definitely no kisses to be missed. But some how it was ironical with the 25 minutes too late. She will always remain to be the one whom I’l know ever in the future…..but I was too late to confess when I did - for the time was gone, the moment was lost; there was someone else which reminded me of her wedding dress standing by the church.
I was reminded of how men go into the self made cave; go for a deep dive to find self space and when they figured out they come out and their woman will be there waiting for them to confront their feelings. It only happened that when I went deep into a cave, the depth made me come out more that 25 minutes and then it was too late. Yes I was more than 25 minutes too late!
Its not love, cos I don’t even know the meaning of it and its way too early to be judged. However, it’s a feeling which invokes pleasant moments desired to be lived…with the one holding hands….walking down the far away stretch on the beach….like the way it is done in my imaginative world. But it’s just in the mind.
She can never be mine,
Even if I wanted like never before, she can never be mine.