Sunday, September 30, 2007

Life's metaphor...

“There is something which always happens out of nothing”

So very true when all I found was nothing in my empty capsule of living. I needed a change and what I needed was a companion who could listen but not advise, who could comfort me but not worry me with their troubles, who could teach me differently but not in the name of any institution.

I wanted a difference in my routine, of looking at my next coming days with some new excitement.

Deciding thus, I got along a pair of white doves expecting nothing more than just a pet at home and fondly called them Raja and Rani. Thankfully my mom was supportive in terms of letting the pair reside under the same roof.

I never believed in clasping anybody’s freedom, so I decided not to cage them. The doves were free to explore my house and live at their own comfort levels. However, it took them sometime to accept the new space and the new faces. They would initially hesitate to visit us in close proximities. With the days rolling by, they recognized our existence along with them and accepted us being part of their life. Raja moved in first to touch us and sat on my shoulder and slowly Rani budged in as well.

I used to feed them, clean their droppings and gave them water to quench their thirst. I remember waking up in the morning and finding Rani happily sleeping next to my pillow with her eyes closed. Raja was relaxing in the far corner of the hall where we kept our footwears. During the daytime, they’d follow my mom all around when she went in for the household chores.

When the television went abuzz, they’d join us in watching together and happily sat on top of the claypot, at a foot’s distance away from the dumb box. Raja would twist and turn his head in amazement when the volumes soared high.

Weeks counted on the calendar and I was simply taken by the new members in the house. I would return home to find them fluttering their wings. I took them as a token of appreciation of showing up on time.

One lazy afternoon, watching one of the painstaking programs on the television, I thought of something which my friend had told in one of our casual conversation. About how to let go someone and if that someone returns back to us then that someone will remain with us forever in our lifetime. For that someone really loves us and would give away everything to be with us. Pondering over the thoughts, I was curious to know whether Raja and Rani were made for me, whether they really did like our company and our small house.

The door to my house was opened and the couples were free to explore the other possibilities. At first, Raja and Rani hesitated to step outside and later on they walked into the balcony and felt the fresh air. Their wings fluttered in so seemed excitement. I had a choice of shooing them to the indoors or just letting them feel the moment. Mind traversed with the options upfront and then I walked into the corner and let them embrace THEIR moment.

Rani started gazing at the sky and walked in a few steps to the corner of the balcony and was doing her titanic pose. In fraction of few seconds she gathered her courage and winged her way to the skies. She started circling in motions on top of my house in sheer excitement. From there she could see the colony, at the same time feel the wind and look down at the materialistic world. Standing by the corner, my jaws dropped in awe.

Raja slowly followed her to the skies and was flapping his wings in a very amateurish style. He blindly followed Rani in circles and for once made me think of moments rejoicing in freedom. They were together in whatever they did and none ever hesitated to compliment others attitude in exploring the new possibilities. They flew in the blue skies, just above my house and now were part of the God’s roof of living.

It was then that I rethought of the conversation, what goes off comes back to you if it is really yours. I had smile, an assurance that they’d return and tell me, in their own language, about their experience.

I saw them flying up and above, heard their wings flapping. I waited, not realizing that the moments mounted into hours and rolling into days and they were just there, right above my house, flying at their leisure and forgetting all about the life they had with me in my very own nest where they were respected of their individuality. I still convinced myself that they lost their way back home and they’d return.

Slowly they disappeared from the vicinity and into the deeper skies. They were gone. Raja and Rani chose their own ways of enjoying their living. And I was not part of it. That is when I realized that they didn’t belong to me and they were belonging to the upper skies. Somewhere I sensed their happy moment together and assumed them smiling at each other.

Wings flapping on arrival may not necessarily be the token of appreciation of showing up, so I thought, they could also be perceived as "Look I've got wings and I wanna use them, let me out and embrace the skies and my freedom"

A metaphor of life this time… inwardly speaking to me and reminding me of yet another instance. And this time, I stared at the skies, jaws dropped down, not in awe but in brooding over my anxieties.

Transfixing my state of mind, yet another lost flight of time decorated my memory.

What you see is not what you get and what you get is not what you see.

However, this time, the guardian angels are besides me, so say my horoscope for the month. However, this time, I so want to believe in every word they say.




When preferances are dictated...

Bias on the Homosexuality.

It’s a mere subject of conversation you and me may take it to. However to those who live it, it’s their very Life and choices they make.

There have been numerous forums which discuss in detail of the choices people tend to live their life with. But it boils down to the basic aspect of psychology “my thoughts are not understood by you and yours not by me.”

This leaves a handful of questions scouting my childish brains.

What are preferences?
What are choices?
What is love?
What is right way of expressing ones love?
What is sexuality?
What are genders?

Since I didn’t find the answers as I am questioner by self, I reached out to the mass. They opined Man to Woman and Woman to Man was the Godly way of expressing the Love, otherwise it was satanic choice of disobeying the worldly norms, simply Ungodly.

But … UNGODLY is only said by one of the creations of God...yet another species in the societal run of survival.

He created us and we have every right to live to his creation.

All he imbibed in us was the feeling of Love and to express it in our own ways. We chose different ways of exploring and expressing it it the GODLY (so said by the society) way of expressing it to the opposite genders or be it to the same. All we are doing is expressing in our own ways. So in which angle does it justify that this is GODLY and this is so UNGODLY?

Let’s be more than the subject of societal dictums and start looking the very aspect of inspirational living… the world of simple LOVE.

We have the right to live our thoughts and let us not be dictated by the mere pressure of the outsiders.

If certain percentage of the mass has chosen a way of life where for them, it feels just right to be with the one of the same gender, then let’s respect them and their thoughts. Instead, what we, so called being part of the majority in the mass, do is moronic actions of confronting their very choices. How justifiable is that?

Depressingly, we heed to the voices of the so called society as we somewhere accept that expressing love differently is UNGODLY. Our broadminded thoughts are ignored when we face their choices upfront, turning into the genre of hypocrites.

Our cognitive psychology apprehends our very thoughts of the right choices. However, they have their right to make their choices as well. Choices which may seem absurd to us with so called the normal thinking, but for them it’s their very preferences which are being lived by their choices.

When preferences are straightened, be it with the societal belief of normalcy or be it with the individual acceptance to be so called different, they are still the preferences of a sane mind, a result of pondering on million thoughts and circumstances. Then why do we question when preference are dictated of our thoughts?

Thursday, September 27, 2007

Another Smile

Cloudy day…

Cool breeze…

Rooster late from its sleep giving a guilty wake up call…

Morning chores…

Empty stomach…

Rushing out of the house not to miss the office bus…

Sweepers sweeping…

Shutters opening…

Vegetable vendors arranging his possessions in a meticulous manner…

Slushy roads…

Dogs sleeping…

Aged people religiously walking in and out of the temple…

Torturous traffic…

Crowded bus stops…

Laborers standing by the roadside tea stall and savoring their only energy drink…

Cluttered vehicles…

Screeching horns…
School kids lined up waiting for the bus to arrive…

All reminding me of just another day in the calendar…


Deep within…

Something tells me that it’ll not be the same.

‘cos somewhere resting is a beautiful feeling…

With no origins and no road…

But showing up its existence…

It’s all in the mind…

Another imagination in the foreplay…

Another smile on the face.

Wednesday, September 26, 2007

Blank! In the Mind



Was my past

Blank was the feeling passed since the birth of my soul,

Blank was the hopes of my parents when the reality stuck,


So is my present

Blank is the state of mind when I wake up in the morning,

Blank is the world I see when I use my visionary glands,

Blank is the taste I feel when I sense the fears,


Will be my definite future.

Blank will be the sound I’d hear when I choose my ears,

Blank will be the life I’d know when I look beyond the day,


Blink, I Blink, but still all I see is Blank,

Blank is the reality of my life,

‘cos all I can see is Blank.

Be a Blind,

To understand the fears of Blank,

To feel the fears of Blank,

To learn the fears of Blank,


It takes more than Blank thoughts to be a Blind.

Tuesday, September 25, 2007

Strangely Strangers

They are all around.

As I walk along the busy street amidst the market,

Learning the fact that I am not alone,

I find them shopping for their week ahead,

The same reason as to why I am there.

They are all around.

As I settle down by the roadside café,

Ordering for a cup of coffee to ease my day,

I find them sitting next to my table.

The same reason as to why I am there.

They are all around.

As I visit the expo at the end of the avenue,

To sight a masterpiece for a corner in the house,

I find them scouting other artifacts to decorate their interiors,

The same reason as to why I am there.

They are all around.

As I stop by the restaurant to cater to my hunger,

Browsing through the varieties on the menu,

I find them calling the waiter to place an order,

The same reason as to why I am there.

They are all around.

As I walk into the bookstore to pick up the next best seller,

Then scanning my other choices of books for the travel ahead,

I find them there already billing the books to stack in their shelf,

The same reason as to why I am there.

They are all around.

As I wave to stop the speeding cab in vain,

Hoping to reach home and be with things I relate to,

I find them at a distance with their hands full of shopping baggages,

The same reason as to why I am there.

They are all around.

As I search for my keys amidst the possessions bought for the day,

To open the doors to my kingdom, my sweet home,

I find them entering the next door with a smile of relief,

The same reason as to why I am there.

They are all around me.


They seem to be so much like me,

But still I don’t know them.

They seem to have similar interests like me,

But still I don’t relate to them.

They seem to have same feelings like me,

But still I don’t disclose mine to them.

Strangely, Strangers are all around me,

Giving me the same look as I had all the while,

Strangely, they are all around me,

The same reason as to why I am there.

Monday, September 24, 2007

Sinusoidal Mind

And the world named me cynical!

I am here convincing the world of my very visibility…
yet they say I am so far away from being here.

There is more of me which the day hasn’t seen…
‘cos they say I am an inhibit of my own clutters.

There is more to what I show of my feelings…
‘cos they say I am an evaluated victim of self constraints.

I see the night in the daytime and shiver…
and they say I am the cause and effect of my own bilateral imagination.

I experience the unknown sitting next to me with a snorty glare…
yet they say he is non existent, in my mind, unseen and unheard by others.

I howl hastily; for the fears reckon me from the timeless era…
Wrecked from my own tears, I am yet deemed to be a societal threat.

I see the food explicitly served in my plate by the fist of ordinance…
Flies being the honor of guests leave no space for my fingers to savor.

I see the known faces walking since years along my line of living…
but I know the known faces just know me skin deep.

I am destined of having pleasures of life within the 4 walls,
with a small window opening to the world as seen by them.
The only prop that decorated within the 4 walls was my cot,
with 3 shaky legs and 3 bricks supporting as the 4th leg.
Unwashed blanket to cover me from the coldness,
which was the only gift I saw as a child from my mother.
And then I blankly stare at the only ornament decorating me since ages,
the only metal I felt and knew,
the only music I heard when they clanged harshly,
the perpetual chain of my miseries and unseen happiness,
that clenched my feet to the wall of darkness.
And they say it was the chain of grounding me to normalcy,
Chain of keeping a control on my behavior,
Chain depicting the cause of their right actions.

They say,
I am the result of my sinusoidal mindset.
I am the mould of my own fears.
I am the reason of their perpetual problems.
I am the insult of their family pride.

But all I wanted to say was,
I want to be heard, as the way they are heard by the world,
I want to be felt, as the way they are felt by the world,
I want to be touched, as the way they are touched by the world,
I want to be seen, as the way they are seen by the world,
I want to live a life, as they live theirs in this world,
I want to be like them, living a life in the open air,
Not like mine counting days in the solitary confinement.

Since the hold on my memory, I’ve seen the sapling grow
outside my worldly window, into its gigantic beauty,
shadowing the world beneath, housing the birds in thousands,
kids swinging from the tree into their own sweet time.

I see the familiarity breeding happiness…
but that’s just a state of momentary present.

And then I see my aging helpless palms scooping my vision….
In a deliberate attempt to close to the worldly norms.

And yet the world named me cynical.

Dreams Unlimited

What is it that makes us dream when the reality is so much occupied in our regularity of habitual living?

Its mere evidence, whatever said and done, that we still follow our routine - day by day and still believe that it has to be lived. However when the day ends, we realize - it was nothing more than yesterday and was nothing more than the day before that - a simplistic routine.

Still there are many aspects which we wanted to experience during the course of the day and failed to see its visibility, filling up the ‘didn’t do it today as well’ bottle which is overflowing with its contents since the years counted. Unknowingly our mind is so stubborn of opening this bottle and experiencing each of its content, that we start living them in the only other possibility – dreams; almost an alter living – somehow realistically believable. When the dream machine is boarded, it’s our journey and we become, almost convincingly, any character birthing from our thoughts.

In this alter life; we have the balls to say NO to those we wanted to say NO to in reality. We have the audacity to tell the boss that he sucks and is good for nothing. We have the capabilities of exploring the deepest fears and yet we find solace in just doing so. It’s our world, we have the power to choose the next action and we do so without hesitating further consequences.

We start living in an imaginative world, convincing ourselves that this is how we should experience it ‘cos we still have a routine life to live from the moment we wake up to reality.

We are the maker and we are the liver.

Dreams are unlimited - It’s like Alice exploring her imaginative, dreamy and her wonderland. Who’d stop her and who’d stop us?

An unfading smile to learn that there is no one stopping us of our imagination.

Wednesday, September 19, 2007


Our course of life takes us through varied paths. Some cherished for its memories, some regretted for reasons better not explained, some unacknowledged and some even unwanted. However, once the path taken so is it taken. There is no looking back as it doesn’t give us an option of changing the choice made. So all lies in our hands as to what best can be made of the choice led. And usually, we the ignorant, always go by the easy way of finding the faults and blaming none other than ourselves. Who’s at the gaining side? None! But who’s at the loss? We! And we still continue doing so as we believe that’s the best way of getting it out and over.

It’s all about looking at the positive of the negative side. It’s all about making our choice, this time thoughtfully, whether we want to let go of those memories which are the most cherished at the same time the most painful or we want to hold them back and live with them in a cocoon closing all the possible opportunities ahead of us. It’s all about how far we have made our mind to release the block that has occupied our mind substantially.

Somewhere amidst the torments we rely on the only Source of oneness, Who knows us without even a single word uttered and to Whom we approach when we are clueless. We take Him on every single ride when our mind explores and explodes. He is always there with us, Unseen but unbelievingly Felt with every moment of His presence.

We seek Him through Prayers!

An astound belief in the Almighty and a way of communicating, prayers help us expressing our desires, happiness, loneliness, fears, wish for miracles, welfare of health, need for help, betterment and so on so forth. Some kneel down, some bow down, some close their eyes and some circle the idols, some cross the heart and some just talk to the Unseen. Prayers take their own form adapting to the choice left to the believer.

Prayers, give us a way of relaxation, as it comes along with a satisfaction that some one will always be there to listen to us at the most crucial path of our life. Some one will always lift us and walk along the thorny path; some one will hold us and relax us at times of despair and some one will make us wanted as we blindly believe in their powers and existence. It’s the faith in the Almighty that we seek Him through prayers ‘cos somewhere there is a hidden belief that He listens to us when we speak to Him.

And I am dedicating this post to my friend in need of such prayers. My prayers are along side of yours. ‘Cos somewhere I believe, instead of one voice praying for the same cause if other voices join along, there are better chances of being heard as the prayers resonate with higher altitude. And so the voices will secretly join along every time someone reads this.

God always has plans for us, though during the rough sailing it all seems cloudy to our eyes, but God still has plans for us.

Monday, September 17, 2007

Limitations not found

I am the bird, flying its stature,

up in the sky, with limitations not found.

I am the wind, flowing by the hills,

Beguiling the bird’s flight, with limitations not found

I am the fish, swimming with ease,

across the currents, with limitations not found.

I am the ocean, calm and serene,

mothering millions a life, with limitations not found.

I am the moon walker, astral on the prowl,

walking the first stead, with limitations not found.

I am the star, wisher of hopes and desires,

shooting at my will, with limitations not found.

I am the nomad, with no root and no cause,

footing a new land everyday, with limitations not found.

I am the priest, blessed with all the powers,

betokening the oncoming years, with limitations not found.

I am the prince, with the charming gait,

strolling through my kingdom, with limitations not found.

I am the Casanova, a magician at the art,

casting spells on the womanhood, with limitations not found.

I am the Unthinkable; I am the Powerful,

I am the Rebellious; I am the Saint,

I am the Richness; I am the Five Entities,

I am the Happiness; I am the Hope,

I am the Impeccable; I am the Desire,

I am a slumberer, awakened by the unstoppable alarm,

I am yet a human, a prolific dreamer of abundance,

I am yet a liver, a subject of the world’s disposal,

I was what I am,

I am what I am,

And will be what I am.

With limitations not found.

Thursday, September 06, 2007

25 minutes too late....

I feel like talking! Talking to everyone about what’s happening deep within. But at this juncture, I only wonder how will it be perceived?

I look at the numb mobile phone to buzz into life like it used to show “1 message received” and that was of something as simple as “ just droped in2 say have a beautiful day” till the late nights when it used to buzz only to say “I’m sleepy, wil catch up 2moro”. Even to an extent when the messages used to come from unidentified no’s and read “hi..ran outta my currency, mesgin frm my mom’s fone…” Days remembered when I was in middle of a boring meeting and get a sweet note of technology… to simply remind that someone is still thinking of you.

However, this time the mobile buzzes with “1 message received” but never from the one I’m secretly hoping for. It’l either be one of those forward messages, which reminds you of how technology has managed to convince human mind of not keeping in touch by person, ‘cos the message will still remind of their existence or it’l be of those category which just talks about stuffs which is realistically impossible. Or it’l be of the service provider’s which lists down the latest bollywood songs that can be downloaded for free as dial tones. Call rates @ Rs 6 per minute. Either ways it’s not the one I looked for.

Why does everything have to be this way? Ironically there is a song from my playlist which goes alive after couple of soft rock numbers. The artist sings ”After sometime, I finally made up my mind….she is the girl and I really want to make her mine….I am searching everywhere to find her again, to tell her that I love her and I am sorry about the things I have done…. I find her standing in front of the church, the only place in town where I dint search….She looks so happy in her wedding dress, but she’s crying while she’s saying this……….but I missed ur kisses……25 minutes too late.. though you traveled so far ,but I am sorry u are …25 minutes too late ”.

Somewhere it was understood that there was no searching her everywhere to find her again; there was no finding her standing in front of the church and in her wedding dress and there were definitely no kisses to be missed. But some how it was ironical with the 25 minutes too late. She will always remain to be the one whom I’l know ever in the future…..but I was too late to confess when I did - for the time was gone, the moment was lost; there was someone else which reminded me of her wedding dress standing by the church.

I was reminded of how men go into the self made cave; go for a deep dive to find self space and when they figured out they come out and their woman will be there waiting for them to confront their feelings. It only happened that when I went deep into a cave, the depth made me come out more that 25 minutes and then it was too late. Yes I was more than 25 minutes too late!

Its not love, cos I don’t even know the meaning of it and its way too early to be judged. However, it’s a feeling which invokes pleasant moments desired to be lived…with the one holding hands….walking down the far away stretch on the beach….like the way it is done in my imaginative world. But it’s just in the mind.

She can never be mine,

Even if I wanted like never before, she can never be mine.

Tuesday, September 04, 2007

Have you ever?

Have you ever felt touched by a person’s fingers,

Whom you know will touch the same way rest of your life?

Have you ever felt the look in the eyes which outcry and say,

Please be there in front of me until I close to destiny?

Have you ever felt the kiss which takes your feet away from the ground,

Only for the reason that you know it’s not the kiss of lust but that of love?

Have you ever felt the whispers which ignites a hair raising sensation,

For the words murmured reminds of the angelic serenity?

Have you ever felt the smell in the air which was carefully chosen,

From the vaults of heaven to the womb of the earth, especially for you?

Have you ever felt rested on the laps of the one whose mere touch,

Puts your worries miles away and imbibes a peaceful sleep as never before?

Have you ever felt?

Have you ever?

Have you?

If you have then post me the wedding card, if not –

I’d still look at the sky and hunt for the shooting stars,

I’d ‘cos –

I’d want to –

‘cos I want to feel ever that way.

Rains O Rains

Rain; cleanse me with your real self!

For I am clothed with the dust from the past.

Wanting to wash away every bit of the layer,

To see a new soul ready to start afresh.

I come to you with the varied past,

Reminiscence of the Yin and the Yang self.

Cluttered thoughts frame my present,

Future, desiring to see betterment.

Radiance of your every drop,

Reminds me to see moments differently.

Moments, flowing down as the time sheds,

Without trace of its existence ever been led.

Hope that enriches with your very touch,

Soul stirring tranquility with your very presence,

I stand in front of you with arms wide open,

Embrace me like you do so with the earth and its essence.

Sunday, September 02, 2007

Empyrean Aplomb

It’s gonna be by the hill side,

Just a canopy by the peak.

Lotsa drapes free flowing,

Moving in sync with the winds grandeur.

Blue Orchids to the white lilies randomly picked and placed,

Adding their beauty in silence for the moment awaited.

Melodies to melt the hearts flowing out of the musicians magical hands,

From the guitars to the piano casting their own mystical spells.

Candles standing in all shapes, awaiting their part to be played,

With aromas specially adored, for the moment glorious.

Cloudy weather painting a glittering golden streak in the horizon,

Just about to downpour the pearly drops, but it just wouldn’t ‘cos its my day.

And there I stand undisturbed from the charming nature,

Wandering my eyes from nadir to the zenith, witnessing an empyrean aplomb.

Only to be called by the one who redefines the word Charming,

Stretching her hand for a life long feel, just to hold me tight to eternity.

Standing still to capture the moment and looking at the sky with words murmured,

“Thank you! Thank you for making someone more beautiful than you,

Thank you for making this my day forever! Thank you!”

Wedding bells in the distant church passing their wishes,

Enacting the enchanting mysticism right from the vaults of heaven.

Moments arrive when I take over her stretch of soft hands,

With every sensuous touch, promising deep within for being there until the last breathe.

I Do! I Do! I Do!

Wedding Vows

Days passed by, one after the other,

Holding the fingers, that guided over coming years.

Growing in separate worlds, walking our very own stead,

Joyous moments lived, from the childhood to adolescence.

Day came when; our world’s met face to face,

Formal occasions set, for an auspicious new beginning.

Families met first, followed by our thoughts,

Then came our interests and a desire for a future together.

Marriages are made in heaven, so said the wise men,

We were destined, only to meet on Earth.

Mutual feelings, of spending the coming years holding hands

Celestial bodies never hesitated to bestow upon their - asthu, asthu, tathasthu.

Arrangements being mapped to a day in our life,

To begin our eternal walk of togetherness, life long.

Upon seeking the blessings from the Holy above,

We walk the aisle, with the assurance of you being with us.